Chapter Thirty

                                    

                                          
Luz 
I had jolted awake when I felt Amity moving to leave me. It took me a moment to process that she had been leaving before I stumbled to stand and chase after her. "Wait, Blight, we need to talk," I said while following her. She turned around suddenly stopping and shooting me a look. 
"You're the one who has been doing everything in your power to avoid me so the fact that you're chasing me down is beyond me. What do you want from me?" She had asked me in such a blunt way, wanting to get straight to the point. Though as I stood there not saying anything she rolled her eyes and went to walk away. It hurt how suddenly cold she'd been acting. She knew very well how our roles were switched this time. She was the one avoiding me but I had no room to talk given how many times I'd unfairly done much the same to her. 
A part of me wanted to stop her. But another part of me, the much larger part, wanted to simply watch her leave knowing it'd be better in the long run for the both of us. How, if she wanted space then she probably needed it still to help her deal with things. Yet the former part of me won and I stepped forward stopping her by grabbing her hand. She turned around looking tired and frustrated. 
To her, not responding probably looked like a choice. But to me, it was because I simply didn't know what to say to her. I had wanted to talk but the words were hiding from me and even with my best effort I still lacked the ability to discover them. At a loss for the words, I couldn't find I continued to stay silent. 
My eyes shifted down to my hand which unknowingly still held hers and I deflated. "Why'd you have to do it? Everything was fine before you did it. I could accept it, ignore it, and I was so close to moving passed it. Or at least I was getting good at pretending to do so." I said this desperately and she stepped back, her hand falling from my hold, as she seemed surprised by this. 
"What are you talking about?" She asked me confused before moving to cross her arms. 
"The change, you wanted things to change between us. And now..." I tried to search for the right words. "Why did you kiss me, Blight?" I let slip passed my lips, pushing my fingers through my hair from frustration. She'd stepped back again obviously not expecting my outburst. 
"I don't know! Why did you kiss me?" She retorted back though she seemed panicked, unprepared. 
"I don't know and I asked you first!" I pointed an accusatory finger at her.  
"Well, you kissed me first! Why are we even talking about this? Shouldn't we just move on from it? It was just a dumb kiss that shouldn't have ever happened, between us of all people, so I have no idea why we're even going on about this!" She said hastily, the words spilling out. "You kissed me, then I kissed you, we're both even. Now we can move on and either go back to the way things were or stop talking to each other entirely." She threw her hands up in the air seemingly exasperated at this point, but the way she was reacting had been unfair. 
She was the one who wanted change to begin with, not the other way around. She's the one who had been starting it and now since it wasn't going the way she may have wanted, a way that is out of her control, she's trying to backtrack entirely. She was running from it and I couldn't understand why. When I did it I was doing it because I was scared but her? What could she possibly be afraid of? Had I hurt her one too many times that she can't bring herself to believe I won't do it again? Does she believe I couldn't possibly be giving in to this because of all the times I'd proven to want quite the opposite? 
We fell into silence for a few moments after this. Both of us slipped into our own thoughts. Until I quietly mumbled something she didn't quite seem to catch. "What did you say Noceda? You have to speak louder than that if you want someone to hear you." She scoffed giving off a dead look. I couldn't understand why she was being so mean unless this was her way of getting back at me.