Stressed

                                    

                                          
"I understand. Yes mom," I said with frustration, ending the call abruptly. I rested my elbows on the small glass table, massaging my forehead to try to ease the tension building up inside me. 
"What's wrong?" Asked Jan, noticing my distress, concern etched on his face.
My mother had always pushed me to pursue a career in medicine, just like her. She's a nurse, and it seemed like her only desire was for me to follow in her footsteps. I pretended to understand her wishes, but deep down, I couldn't understand why she couldn't see my true passion. I would rather work as a receptionist at the Cecil Hotel than become a nurse. 
Sorry not sorry
She never supported my dreams or made an effort to understand me. My brother was always her only priority, leaving me feeling distant from my own family. My relationship with my father was even more complicated, a story too long and painful to delve into. I still feel guilty after all those years. At least he's in a better place now...
With tears welling up in my eyes, I poured my heart out to Jan. He embraced me tightly, his silence speaking volumes as he gazed out of the window, observing the buzzing streets of London.
To no one's surprise, we found ourselves back at the cafe, occupying our usual spot. As we chatted about music and other topics, my mother's call interrupted our conversation, causing a whirlwind of drama. 
Jan was the one to break the hug this time. I found myself looking down at my hands, picking at skin, lost in my own endless thoughts. Sensing my distress, he gently lifted my chin, wiping away the tears that stained my already rosy cheeks, and held me close once again. 
"It's going to be okay, I promise," he murmured, his voice muffled against my hair. 
"I hope so, I really do..." I sobbed against his chest.
—
The next morning, I woke up with swollen eyes from the previous night's tears, startled by the sound of my phone ringing. I glanced at the time, realizing I had overslept and missed both of my alarms. I scolded myself for my negligence as I answered Jan's call.
"Do you have any idea what time it is?" he sounded annoyed.
"I'm so, so sorry...I just couldn't sleep," I apologised while already standing up. 
"Just come here," He simply instructed me and hung up.
I rubbed my eyes and hastily got ready, skipping breakfast in my rush to meet Jan at his place. It was now past eleven, and I hadn't even left my apartment yet. I had left my guitar at his place and he wanted to make some corrections before heading to the studio. The studio, a detail that had slipped my mind entirely.
With the snow now melted, I opted for my grey Jordan sneakers and finally stepped out into the world. The rain had left the asphalt wet, and mud puddles dotted the streets. I skillfully maneuvered around them, proud of myself for at least doing  something right.
Arriving at Jan's apartment complex, I effortlessly entered, already familiar with the code. I ran up  the six flights of stairs more easily than before and knocked on the wooden door. Jan opened it after a few seconds, avoiding eye contact and gesturing for me to enter the living room. 
I removed my shoes and placed them neatly on the shoe rack, attempting to engage in small talk. However, Jan seemed disinterested, and I quickly made my way to the couch, taking in the brightness of the room despite its small size. Jan joined me, sitting down opposite of me as he always did.
"Julia, if you aren't interested in music, just tell me. We can figure things out," Jan began, finally meeting my gaze. His eyes were filled with concern, and I could sense his genuine worry. 
"You shouldn't have to do something you don't want to do...and I completely understand. Just please, be honest with me," he pleaded. 
I stumbled over my words, trying to explain myself. "It's not that... it's just..." I trailed off, meeting his eyes directly. "It's just that I'm overwhelmed by literally everything," I confessed, feeling my eyes sting and my cheeks flush. Jan moved closer, unsure of how to comfort me. I couldn't blame him; I would do exactly the same.
Maybe not this part
With a gentle touch, his index finger lifted my chin, delicately tucking away the stray strands of hair behind my ear. Once again, we stood inches apart, but this time, there was an undeniable shift in the air. My heart raced, threatening to burst from my chest, and I couldn't help but wonder if he could hear its frantic rhythm. His hands tenderly cradled my head, fingers tracing my fiery red hair. In that moment, our hands intertwined, finding solace in each other's touch. 
"Oh fuck it," was the last thing he said before crashing our lips together.
The world around us seemed to fade away as our lips met, igniting a fire within me that I had never felt before. The kiss was passionate, filled with a mixture of lust and desire that had been building between us for far too long. Our bodies pressed against each other, fitting together like two missing puzzle pieces finally finding their place.
Time seemed to stand still as we lost ourselves in the intensity of the moment. Every touch, every brush of our lips sent electric shocks through my body, making me crave him even more. His hands moved from my hair to my waist, pulling me closer, as if he couldn't get enough of me.
As he finally pulled away, our breaths heavy and our bodies still trembling, a sense of euphoria washed over me. It was a moment of pure bliss, a moment that I knew I would remember forever.
We stood there, our foreheads pressed together, trying to catch our breath. His hands found their way around me, leaving me completely speechless.
Nothing could've prepared me for this...
.................................................................................
Is it really that obvious that I'm lonely😭😭. I want what they have🥲.
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