When I locate it, I scoop it up and push the cap down quickly. I don't want to be in here longer than I need to. The lid pops open. Little blue capsules fly out all over. I freeze with the bottle in my hand while they bounce off the nightstand and fall onto the floor, making small 'binks' when each one hits the wood. Quickly, and fearfully, I drop to my knees feeling the carpet all over for the capsules. I snatch them up when I feel them and shove them back into the bottle. I'm on the floor maybe two minutes when I'm convinced I got them all. I stand with some in my hand and the bottle in my other. I smash the cap on and throw the bottle back into it's place. Knocking the drawer shut, I bolt out of the room with my fist full of pills, slamming Mothers door behind me.  
 I don't stop running until I get to my room, slamming my door as well. In a series of maneuvers I flick on the light, lock my door, pick up a water bottle, grab my library book, and slide onto my bed crisscross. I open the book to the table of contents and stare at the pills in my palm.  
 Should be enough.  
 I separate three. I toss them into my mouth and gulp down water, moving my eyes over to the clock. Nearly 10pm. I sit there thinking and counting the leftover pills. There's four. I touch the itchy cuts through my sleeve. They've turned purple since the other day. I put down the remaining four pills on my blanket and turn my attention to the thick book in front of me, though I don't know exactly what I'm looking for.  
 I read through the table of contents, stopping when a title of a chapter catches my eye. It's labeled 'Lucid Dreaming'. I flip to the chapter reading every word intensely and I couldn't stop once I started. It was about steps to manipulating dreams. A technique used to control dreams, to be aware of the fact that the brain is sleeping, and the body has shut down. I read the entire chapter and a little bit of the next one before I begin growing tired. I got the basics of how it works and I'm eager to try it. I need to lie flat and still for as long as I can. I need to ignore itches and any urges to move. After some time, I should slip into sleep and feel some sort of weight pushing down on my check. Eventually, I should reach the REM cycle and that's where dreams happen. If it works I'll be aware that I am sleeping and be able to control my dream. And when that happens, I'm going straight back to that land.  
 I close the book, setting it aside. I snatch the pills off the blanket and put them on the nightstand in a small pile. I throw all my blankets to the floor along with my pillow.  
Remember to breathe.
 "I do not need your help right now," I say to my empty room as I position myself flatly on the bed.  
 I stay there, staring at the ceiling, my arms at my sides. I stay there feeling restless but my eyes burn to stay shut for a moment. I let them close and the room completely flips over onto its side. The entire walls rolling my room over, throwing all my belongings and furniture into the air. I hit the wall furthest to me on my left, gasping out on impact.  
 I sit up in my bed, yelling out from fear, then again, but this time in hot white pain. I grab my sides, a painful moan dragging in my throat. Eyes wide open looking at my dark bedroom walls. Nothing's changed. Nothing is out of place. I look at the clock 12:16pm.  
 Irritated now, I yank the chain of my lamp. I blind myself, just causing stronger irritation. The backs of my eyes burn and ache from the light as I separate two more pills from the pile, blinking angrily. No second thought, no third thought, no second voice chiming in. I pop them into my mouth and swallow hard. I'm craving to be anywhere else but in this room, in this apartment, in this city. I can't wait for another moment to fly over that island. My eyes hover closed and I practice the slow breathing from the book to slow my heart rate. This helps the brain fall into sleep.