19. Cecilia

                                    

                                          
"No" Harry whispers, shaking his head more to himself. "Please" 
He turns away from the window, where he watched the black car taking a left turn. Watched Louis being driven away. 
Forever. 
He walks back and forth in the sitting room, going through his own hair with his hands and closing his eyes, trying to control his breathing and fight the tears. This was a mistake, the beginning of it, all those months, giving his heart to Louis and taking his in return. The biggest mistake was breaking it, and breaking his own with it. Letting Louis into his life was a mistake, but letting Louis go is much worse. 
Letting out a shaky breath, Harry sits down on one of the armchairs, going over his face with his hands. He refuses to accept the fact that he's gone. 
With another few curse words Harry leans back and looks up, stares right at the painting that taunts him. Louis and him, so happy and so in love. The way Louis looks at Harry, sitting on his lap like this, the hand Harry has around Louis' waist and the matching suits turning this portrait into something illicit and dangerous, something that could destroy lives, something that breaks so many traditions and rules. Harry's grandfather would turn in his grave if he saw this. 
While it makes his hands shake with fear of the risks, at the same time it makes Harry's heart beat so much faster. This right there, is his own little bit of immortality. Maybe if he hides it well, maybe someone is going to find it in a couple decades or centuries and find out, tell everybody that there was a queer crown prince and that he was happy, letting the world know long after Harry's death. 
Maybe Harry's kids or grandkids will be brave enough, maybe someone will finally manage to change what is still wrong with societal standards. Maybe someone will be able to do what Harry is too afraid of. He is a coward, truly. A coward for shutting Louis out, the only person who has ever been there for him, for letting him go and pushing him away like all of it meant nothing to him. He is a coward for not sticking up for him, or for himself. Maybe they could have won, but Harry is too afraid to try. He's a coward. And an asshole for breaking Louis' heart when he didn't answer him that night. 
The thing is just that he couldn't. He just wasn't able to. His heart was beating so fast when he heard Louis say the words, and he wanted nothing more than to shout at him that he feels the same way, that he would go through hell and back for Louis, but he couldn't. He was scared, and he still is when he thinks about it. Yes, he could have seen it coming, but nothing could ever have prepared him for that confession or the way it made him feel. 
There is a knock on the door and Harry looks up with wet cheeks when it opens and Anthony walks in. Seeing him, Harry wipes his cheeks quickly and clears his throat when he gets up. 
Anthony just looks at him with a soft look in his eyes, handing him a tissue. "Harry-" 
 "I'm fine" Harry says sharply, turning to look out of the window. The long road that parts the forest around the castle, all empty and with a lack of a specific car. The only car Harry would want to see there, the car that should turn and come back here at an instant. "I am fine. And it's your highness" 
"Of course" Anthony mutters, shaking his head slightly. "Her majesty will arrive in twenty minutes, you are expected downstairs. She asked for you during a brunch and tea to discuss everything" 
 "Thank you" Harry clears his throat again and adjusts his silk button up to cover the dark blue bandana. "I will be downstairs in ten"  
"Oh and" Anthony says, looking at Harry sheepishly. "Mr Tomlinson forgot this here" 
He hands Harry a soft jumper, one of Louis' merchandise collection. 
Harry looks at it for a while, contemplating before taking it. Anthony nods and turns to leave the room, keeping the door open because he knows Harry is planning on walking after him.