64. Forgive Don't Forget

                                    

                                          

"Love is like Heaven, but it can hurt like Hell." 
Davina stared down at the book. They died. THey killed off the main character... Haven looked up at her expecting more, a happy ending but that was it. What the hell.
"This is not a fucking childrens book because good people don't die in childrens books.'' Davina declared throwing it across the room. 
"Mama?" Haven questioned. 
"Yes... okay... when the time came for battle the men and women lined up swords and shields in hand. It looks very bleak like they could not be saved. But things always look the worst right before things turn around for the better..." Davina offered. "Riders on horses-" Haven neighed out. "-very good" Davina agreed. "They came out on horses and soldiers on the ground could only move so fast no matter how skilled they were. But horses give you the speed and the strength slicing through the air through the enemy. Loved ones were united and love certainly looked like heaven for they would never know hell." Davina nodded satisfied with her story adaptation. "Good ending my love?"
"Ya!" Haven agreed clapping. 
"Bedtime my love?" Davina asked and Haven tipped her head back-and-forth contemplating. "I know I phrased that as a question but it is bedtime and it's late. We're going to bed OK my love." Davina peppered her face with kisses and Haven laughed out. " I wish your daddy could see you now." Davina whispered as she got up. Davina hummed a little song as she settled Haven moving to the crib. Davina bundled her up touching her little cheeks as Haven smiled back at her. 
"Goodnight my little love." Davina whispered as Haven drifted to sleep in the crib in Davina's room.  Alicent peered in smiling back at her. Davina brought a finger to her lips to silence her as Davina moved to the door. 
"I saw the light flickering in Haezels chambers. Heard her talking. Thought you were in there." Alicent remarked. "I went to check on Haven but shes in here."  
"I need to have a forgiveness talk with Haezel." Davina groaned leaned back against the wall. "And we all know thats not my forte," davina added. Alicent nodded knowingly. " no no my dear you were supposed to say you were the most forgiving person and all the seven kingdoms!" Davina mused alicent smiled leaning into her. "I know I know im a heartless bitch." Davina agreed.
"Thats not correct at all. You are a strong woman. You are the alpha of the castle. Everyone knows it. Damn you are more of a queen, a king then Viserys and I."
"Im the alpha." Davina repeated. "I like that."
"And alphas dont yield to backstabbing brothers."
"Damn right." Davina agreed. "Look at you coming through with the best pep talk." Davina declared as she kissed her cheek.  
"I am queen. Im excellent at giving speeches." Alicent agreed. Davina turned to go to Haezels room but spun back around lips dragging over the shell of Alicents ear. 
"I love you."

                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          
 

"I dont like it." Haezel whispered when Davina came into her chambers. Daeron was sat beside her on the couch. 
"I know you don't want to Jace to be here, it's not right and it's not fair... Jace and Luke have known you your siblings and your cousins all your life and yet he chose to defend girls they had never met." Davina agreed sitting beside her, pulling Haezel closer.  "He chose to be stupid they both did. But that was a long time ago my love. I know your father would want you to forgive."
"It wasn't that long ago." Hazel corrected Divina stared back at her.
"Not too too long." she supposed. Haven was two, it had been almost three years since everything. It felt like forever ago now. 
"You have been mad at your brother for longer." Haezel corrected. 
Davina knew this was gonna come around to bite her in the ass because Harwin had reminded her the same thing. Davina had yet to forgive Daemon and heartbreak seemed less extensive than a loss but somehow Davina could not let go of the pain the anger the resentment that built inside of her constantly when his name came up.
"That is true enough." she admitted "but-"
"It was really scary." Haezel reminded her "what if he hurt someone else? What if he comes after me or Vaera or Haven?" Haezel declared. 
"You know he's not prone to violence" Davina reminded her while running a hand over her hair.  
"And yet." Haezel countered. 
"Forgive but never forget, so you dont get blindsided too." Davina offered. 
"Mama," Haezel whispered. 
"I know I really do my love maybe I'm not the best person to talk to you about forgiveness because I'm bad at it." Davina admitted.  "But when I had that talk with your father a while back he reminded me that when I forgave viserys things got better so if you think about it I did forgive." Haezel sighed, Daeron looked between them thinking maybe this was a mother daughter moment but Haezel reached out for his hand.  "He matched me up with many men forced me into unions I certainly did not approve of and I hated him for it. But once I... Once I let him back in forgave him... once I got past all the bad I remembered all the good." Davina offered. 
"Haezel, my sweet girl, I want you to remember the good you had with them and not just that scary day. Maybe not for their sake but for your own. I know that caring around grief is a lot to carry around. especially caring around for as long as you have, as I have... Trust me I know grief and pain and anger, resentment... it can build inside, it can make even the sweetest people turn sour. You don't have to forgive them today or in the moon or in the year but just now... Remember the good." she offered "not just that day." Haezel nodded leaning into her.