Back to Reality

                                    

                                          
I really didn't want to go to the race but realistically I knew that Max was right. I wasn't okay, I was so far from it but even though I'd been trying my hardest to hold it together it clearly wasn't working. Each day it was just getting harder and harder for me to get out of bed, and i just couldn't explain why i was feeling this way. I felt awful for Max he was trying so hard but any time he spoke to me or tried to help I would just snap at him, even trying to look after Luna was a struggle. Part of me just wanted to get up and leave but I knew I couldn't do that. Me and Max didn't speak the whole morning, he dealt with everything Luna related whilst I just got myself sorted and ready to leave. As we boarded the plane Susie was waiting for us with her usual soothing smile, of course Max would turn to her for help she was the one person i definitely wouldn't push away. She took Luna to the other end of the plane straight away leaving me and Max sitting together. "I don't think this is a good idea" I quietly mumbled. As much as I knew it wasn't a good idea for me to stay back in Monaco I will filled with nerves thinking of having to be anywhere where Charles was, especially when I'd have Luna with me, He hated us so much i really didn't know how he would react with us being there. "Everyone's looking forward to seeing you both" he replied reassuringly as he squeezed my hand. That was all well and good to say but I was sure not everyone was looking forward to it. 
Max arranged for us to stay in an apartment instead of a hotel, he said it was because he didn't want to be too close to the track but i knew he was lying. To be honest i was grateful for it as it meant i could actually relax just a little bit and if we'd stayed in a hotel it wouldn't have been comforting at all. I didn't go to the track until Saturday, I'd mainly just taken the Friday to try and relax in the hopes I'd start to feel a little better and to be fair it relatively seemed to work although I still wished I'd stayed back in Monaco. Max walked through the paddock with Luna whilst I awkwardly walked beside him, I hadn't been around so many people in so long it made me feel so uncomfortable, I guessed I'd got so used to being in my bubble the last couple of months. Although it was really overwhelming, it was really nice to see how excited everyone was that Luna was there. We'd barely manage to take a few steps each time before someone would come over to us to meet her I really wasn't expecting to get the response that we got. "There's my favourite Wolff" Lewis beamed as we walked towards him. He took Luna from Max and just on cue Emilia appeared next to him, I couldn't help but laugh it was like a battle between them two to see who could get Luna to smile first. Seeing the two of them with Luna always made me realise I'd made the perfect decision when it came to picking her god parents. "See you already look happier" Max whispered as he gently nudged me. I hadn't even noticed that I had a huge smile on my face, I guess he was right I was happier, it was actually really nice to be back in the paddock and wasn't a awful experience like i thought it would be. "thank you" I said as I leaned up and kissed him, i really had taken for granted how much he'd supported and been there for me these last few months and this was exactly what i needed to brighten my mood. Out of the corner of my eye I recognised a bright red Ferrari shirt walking past us, obviously there was loads of people walking around with them on but I instinctively knew it was Charles straight away. As he walked past us his eyes locked onto mine, it made me feel uncomfortable i felt like he was staring me down. As much as i felt uncomfortable it was really Luna that i felt sad for, it was like she didn't exist to him at all. He didn't even look at her or in her direction. I really couldn't understand how he could just live his life and not care about her at all, she was innocent in all of this.
It had been such a busy day i decided to watch the qualifying from the Mercedes hospitality mainly to keep me and Luna out of the way, George and Lewis had managed to get P1 and 2 with Max and Charles lining up next to each other behind them. It made me sigh especially with what had happened in Baku, the thought of Max and Charles being anywhere near each other on the track filled me with anxiety as i worried about how far Charles was willing to go to take Max out. Once qualifying was over i knew it would be a little while until everyone was finished so i decided to sit outside of the hospitality feeding Luna. I was completely in my own world when someone came to sit next to me making me jump. I was relieved to see it was only Arthur but still cautious about what he wanted. As i looked at him he smiled at me sheepishly "I was wondering if I could meet my niece" he said his voice calm and soft. I hadn't really given Charles' family much thought, it never really occurred to me that even though Charles didn't care about or want anything to do with Luna they might not actually feel the same and might actually want to be in her life. I really didn't know what to say as it wasn't a conversation I'd prepared myself for i kind of just sat there staring at Arthur speechless. I'd never been so relieved for my dad to interrupt "Maybe now isn't the right time" my dad placed his hand on Arthur's shoulder "I'm sure Kaycee is happy to discuss it at a later time" Arthur smiled at us both and got up to leave. 
After all the excitement of the day, by the time we made it back to the apartment Luna was flat out for what felt like the first time ever. Max slowly lowered her into her crib trying not to wake her up. I hadn't said anything about Arthur yet, i was still trying to figure out what the right thing was to do. "Arthur wants to meet Luna" The words came out so quickly i wasn't sure if he really understood what i had said but he paused briefly to look at me, yes he'd definitely heard me. He continued and then came towards me "how do you feel about that" I didn't know how I felt. I had a mix of emotions running through me "I don't know, what do i do" i replied shrugging my shoulders. Max put his arms around me, I couldn't help but melt in to him. "It's you're choice to make, Just remember he is her family" he replied as he gently stroked my hair and left the room. It wasn't Arthur that I was worried about, he deserved to be able to get to know Luna. "I just don't get how he doesn't care about her at all" i sighed as i followed behind Max. From the way he sighed i could tell he knew i was talking about Charles now.