Chapter 5

                                    

                                          
Why does he always save me?  Why am I always have to save?   I hate this I'm getting flashbacks  all over again and that hasn't happened in a long time 
' you okay?'  Gavin asked.  Again I spaced our before I gave him an answer. ' I'm okay'. My voice is soft just like 2 years ago. ' do you want to take you home?'  He asked me my arm start to fidget ' no I'm okay goodnight '
'Goodnight'
I walked home and went in my room took a cold shower and I had to think about what happened I feel just like I was 2 years 
I dried off put my pajamas off lay down on my bed. Looking at the celling   Then it happened again 
Flashback to Kira old relationship 
2 years ago 
'  please don't do this!'  I shouted he came closer.  ' Someone going to hear you!'   He came even closer and grabbed my arm tightly. I started to cry   And he covered my mouth and pinned me against the wall ' you love me right?' The guy said I nod my head slowly  my arm is red just like the other ones   ' good, because if you don't I'll do even worse and you don't want to see me angry'. He says.  He takes his hand away from my mouth.  And  kissed me 
Out of flashbacks 
I started to breath hurt it was like I had an knot in my throat hard for me to breathe like someone drowned me in water I count to three and took these pills  that helps me with my panic attacks haven't used them in awhile   I close my eyes and went to sleep 
Next day at school 
' bro that party was so fun much and me  and Hudson kissed and that was amazing like I knew it was going to be amazing but he's such a good kisser'.  Solana says while I'm listening to her and writing my essay for NYU my dream school 
'. Glad you had fun' I said. She stared at him while he's at his locker talking to his friend.  ' so you horny weirdos dating or not?' I asked that's her dream and I don't want her to get hurt if he hurts her I'll break his spine   'I don't know he didn't ask me ask him yet but i bet we will' she smiles. 
Love is so overrated it's not even love anymore more with friends with benefits or cheating or guys you don't understand the word no even if you say it multiple times 
' I saw you and Gavin got something going on'. She says.  Not this shit. We started walking to class' what you talking about?'
I asked with confusion 
' you hun at the party talking his hand by your waist and touched his face' she says. '. Are you sure? Because you was pretty drunk'. 
She rolls his eyes. ' I was drunk but wasn't that drunk you two got done sexual tension going on'. 
' bullshit' the bell rings. I went to AP English. 'You know I'm right' she shouted.  'Whatever!'  I shouted back 
With the boys 
' gav should I ask Solana to be my girlfriend?'    Hudson asked.   'You only kissed her once'.  Gavin said. ' yeah I really like her and she's a such a great kisser' he says.  
Gavin sighs.  He just wants best for his best friend and doesn't want him to make a dumb decision.   'Whatever make you happy bro if you do it make it romantic' he says. The bell rings and Gavin went to class 


I sit down waiting for class to start 
Gavin walked in and yet again out of all the seats he had sit by me that's annoying and I can't face him after last night. My whole mood changed 
'Hey' he says.   ' hi' I said softly. ' how are you?'  He asked. I was hesitant to answer.  ' I'm okay'. 
'You sure? you don't look okay?'  
He looks at him concerned.  ' I'm sure'. I said.  'Okay'. The class began
At lunch 
'  so mon what happened between you and Gavin  last night?' Kylie one of Monica friends asked. ' nothing, we didn't do nothing'.  She says. 'But why y'all are like a meant for each other'.  Another girl said    'I know right.  It's because he said I'm always about me and how he doesn't like anymore 'Monica eats her chips.  ' that makes no sense at all'. Another girl said. 
' I bet it's because of that ugly bitch Kira she's-trying to take my man'.  
She stare at me while I was writing something 
After lunch I went to bathroom I looked in the mirror still picturing what happened last night  I remember the place the man touched me. Just like how he used to touch me I start to panic again I take a pill and took some deep breath and I walked out 
' you okay?' Gavin asked 
He scared me    ' yeah I'm fine'. 
' you don't look fine you look tired and drained and last night-'  I cut him off 
'  I'm okay.   So stop asking!' I walked away from him. 
But the truth is I'm not okay.