Chapter 25 Thea

                                    

                                          

I hadn't intended on confessing my deepest, darkest secret to Xaiver but, before I could stop myself, the words came spilling out. The emotional exhaustion of the memories took me by surprise and I found myself collapsing in Xaiver's arms for hours. I was shocked when the sun started to stream in through the window blinds. 
I had cried more tears than I knew I was capable of and was all dried up by morning. I sniffed and pulled myself away from Xaiver, wiping the back of my hand across my face. My eyes were burning from the tears and lack of sleep, my eyelashes heavy and stiff as they fluttered up towards Xaiver. I smiled at him sheepishly and he returned it with a sympathetic expression. 
"I suppose asking if you're okay is a silly question." Xaiver chuckled to himself as he cupped my face and rubbed the palm of his thumb across my cheek. 
"Actually, I think I'm better than I've been in a long time." I replied honestly. 
"I'm so sorry that happened to you, Thea, but I'm so happy that you told me." He said in a soft, gentle voice that was warm and rich like honey. 
"I've never told anyone before." I said and Xaiver's face scrunched up in question, "Other than Effie and my squad, no one else knows." 
"You should talk to someone about this, my love. Someone who could help." Xaiver replied carefully. 
"Xaiver, you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone. Especially my family." I suddenly felt worried and sick to my stomach at the idea of Xaiver telling anyone about what happened to me. 
Xaiver's free hand came up to grasp the other side of my face. 
"I won't tell anyone, I promise, love. Your wish is my command." He spoke with nothing less than honesty, "I just think that if you spoke about it...." I silenced him, 
"I don't need to talk about it. I accepted what happened to me and used it to become stronger." I said sternly. 
"You cut off your emotions so you wouldn't have to feel pain. You turn away from anything that might cause you happiness because you're afraid of it." Xaiver's voice was kind but his words were serious and, although he didn't mean for them to, they hurt. 
"Xaiver...." I tried to argue, but he wasn't finished yet, 
"The idea of the matebond, of having emotions and happiness, isn't why that happened to you." He said, 
"I was distracted." I replied stubbornly. 
"Those beasts took your choice away from you. What happened is their fault, not yours." Xaiver had an angry scowl on his face and his eyes, which were pitch black, betrayed his hatred. 
"Yes, they did. But, they never should've gotten me." I argued, stepping out of Xaiver's grip. 
"Thea, I'm really sorry, but you're using that as an excuse." He sighed, dropping his hands to his side. 
I opened my mouth to reply and then closed it before opening it again. I was sure I looked like a fish breathing air. I didn't have an intelligent response, or any response, really. 
"If you were in the hospital for a month, how come your parents don't know about it?" Xaiver asked, changing the subject only slightly. 
"Effie is authorized to make decisions on my behalf. She became a legal guardian of sorts to me since I joined up at such a young age. My parents don't know 90% of what happens to me while I'm on missions, and what they do know is told to Papa so he can nice it up for Mom and Dad." I said, 
I walked across the hotel room towards my bag and started pulling out a new set of clothes along with my shower supplies. Xaiver followed me with his eyes only as he remained frozen by the bed.