Chapter 11

                                    

                                          
"These are fucking delicious." He tells me with a mouth full of one of my snack bars. Im laying back in a hammock someone put up between two tall trees, coloring in the rose I've been working on. And he's sitting in the grass beside me, currently digging half his arm into my bag to find another snack bar. 
I start chewing on my pen, trying to figure out what color I should shade the ends of my pedals into when he turns his head to me. "Do you mind if I borrow your headphones to listen to some music? I didn't bring my speaker with me." I nod and reach down, tugging my headphones out my bag for him to take.
Minutes pass and he's laying out on the floor with his eyes closed, his head moving slightly to the music. I give myself a good minute to really appreciate him. His beautiful messy brown hair halfway covering his eyes, his broad shoulders complimenting the fitted grey muscle shirt he has on. His soft, round lips curving into a small smile at what I'm guessing are the lyrics that are playing into his ears. He's perfect.
But I can't imagine myself with him. Maybe because of my background and the things that have happened to me that I can't really control. It's the fact that I'm Used, Damaged, Hurt.. He doesn't know now but I feel like this won't stay a secret forever.
Shit... I feel the tears rising in my eyes and I immediately wipe them across the back of my hand. I don't even know why I'm crying, Now's not the time. I side glance him for a second before allowing myself to sniff quietly, praying my eyes dry up before he hears me. 
But he does. Apparently his music's not that loud because he looks over at me and his face completely switches to one of concern as he tugs my headphones out his ears, sitting up. "Destiny what's wrong?" He asks me, his brows furrowed.










Fuck... Here they come.
He gets to his feet when I start sobbing, I'm completely embarrassed at this point and I just want him to look away. This was supposed to be a fun evening where we can enjoy each other's company. But I can't bring myself to cooperate tonight, I don't think I picked a good day. I sit up and turn my body away, biting down on my lip as I feel my face heat up. PLEASE sit back down and listen to your music. 
"Destiny, Look at me."
I'm afraid to hear the shake in my voice if I speak so I just shake my head, squeezing the tears out my eyes. I feel his fingers on my cheek when he turns my head in his direction. I don't understand how he manages to keep his hands so gentle, yet firm. When I finally meet his eyes I notice they're starting to get a little glossy. Is he gonna cry too?
"Please tell me what's wrong." He whispers, quieting down the same way I do when I'm trying to hide the shake in my voice.
I let myself try and find the right words for a second when he moves his hand, waiting patiently. This is only difficult because I don't know. Well I do, but I don't... 
I'm self-conscious. And I'm afraid he doesn't really want me the way I want him right now, but I don't truly know how I feel about him yet do I? And if I did He's still out of my league regardless. He could do so much better. He could be sitting with a beautiful girl with a normal family who his father has no mysterious problems with, an amazing girl with no dark background. Someone who's just as perfect as him. How do I put that into words?




"Do you actually like me," I ask him, not even bothering to hide my voice now. tears still drop against my thighs while I look down, tugging on the bottom of my shirt to give my hands something to do. "Or did you just kiss me that night because you were tired."
Now that I'm saying it out loud it really makes more sense. It was late and we were both barely up, the music was playing and we were stuck in the moment. He would have done it with any other girl in that position. But I can't imagine myself kissing anyone else in that scenario, my mind won't let me picture anyone other than Chris. 
He stares at me with a look of disbelief without answering my question. I can tell he's thinking about what to say and that only confirms my question. When I'm about to look away from him he leans one hand up against the tree behind me, leaning down to where I'm sitting.
His forehead rests against mine for a second, our noses brushing together. My breath quickens when he finally closes the inches between us, tilting his head slightly to place his air cooled lips against mine, he doesn't wait this time to move his tongue against mine.
Before I know it he's picking me up to sit in the hammock himself, setting me on top of him without breaking our lips apart. My hands are traveling up his torso, stopping at his neck while his rest at my waist, with his thumbs slightly pushed up into my shirt. I let out a low groan when he breaks the kiss, tilting my head when he kisses his way down to my neck, sucking against it softly.
As I'm hearing the sounds of his lips on my skin, Feeling his teeth against my neck, and his hands slide in small circles around my waist, I understand why I was upset. I needed this and I didn't know how to express it. I needed him to confirm how he felt about me one way or another.
"Yes." His voice comes out low again, but not for the same reason this time.

"I do really, really like you."