Chapter 68: Shred of Hope

                                    

                                          
Warnings: Angst! Language! FLUFF!
In the following weeks after the first attempt to remove the brainwashing from Bucky's brain, the Wakandan scientists worked tirelessly to finally solve the issue. With every attempt, you and Steve were present to see the outcome. You occasionally going alone if Steve was away on a mission.
You were sat alone in the apartment while Steve was away taking out some Italian mob. You were scrolling through different websites trying to find all the baby furniture you wanted. You had just gotten up to grab yourself a drink when you heard a knock on the door. Putting your glass down on the side you make your way over. Surprised to find Bucky standing on the other side with a nervous look on his face.
"Hey Bucky, is everything okay?" You ask him brows furrowing in concern.
"Is Steve in?" Bucky asks glancing over your shoulder and into the apartment.
"No he's away on a mission but he'll be back-" you start shaking your head before he interrupts.
"Good because I want to talk to you," Bucky tells you making your eyes widen in surprise.
"Oh yeah sure, come on in" you nod stepping aside to let him in.
"Do you want a drink? Water? Juice? Something stronger?" You offer walking into the kitchen to refill your drink.
"Um just water is fine," Bucky says with a small smile as he follows you.
"Sure coming right up, go get comfy on the couch I'll bring it over," you tell him nodding over to the couch.
"Uh yeah sure" Bucky nods before quickly turning and walking away.
You frown slightly as you watch him go. His behaviour was worrying you, and the fact that he didn't want to talk to Steve was just as concerning. You bite your lip considering whether to contact Steve, ultimately deciding to wait and see what Bucky had to say first. It might be nothing.
You walk over to the couch putting the drinks down on the coffee table before sitting down with a sigh, hand resting on your bump.
"How is the mini Steve?" Bucky asks nodding to your bump.
"Well, he likes using my bladder as a punching bag so he's definitely like his father" you chuckle seeing a small smile pulling at Bucky's lips before fading completely.
"What's up Bucky? Is it about the next test?" You ask him earning a heavy sigh in response.
"Yeah... I'm not sure we should carry on" Bucky admits looking down at the floor.
"But we're so close Buck, they think this time it'll work," you tell him shifting to face him.
"But what if it doesn't? What if it never works? I- I don't think I can carry on like this" Bucky confesses welling up as he looks over at you.
"Oh Buck" you sigh shifting closer to him, wrapping your arm around him.
At your touch, he completely breaks down dropping his head into his hand. His body shook as he sobbed. You bit back your own tears, hating seeing him this broken. You remained silent, rubbing his back soothingly, waiting until he was ready. Eventually, his sobs receded into sniffles, and you passed him a box of tissues.
"I'm sorry" he sniffles as he wipes away his tears.
"Don't apologise" you tell him gently "why didn't you want to tell Steve this?" You ask after a moment.
"Because he wouldn't understand it like you would, you know what it's like to be held captive, have control taken away from you, wanting it to end even if it meant permanently" Bucky admits looking back over at you.