Ch 19 | The Introduction

                                    

                                          
⚠️ Warning ⚠️ 
This chapter contains and/or mentions :
Depression/ anxiety/ mental illness
Please read at your own risk 
__________________________





Y/N's POV:
"Mama, don't forget we need juice." 
"Okay, thank you JiJi," you say as she reminds you for the twelfth time to grab her apple juice. 
She's sitting in the shopping cart as you push her through the grocery store, talking your ear off about what she did in gymnastics today. Apparently she got another gold star for doing a cartwheel all on her own, and although you're incredibly proud, your patience is running thin today. 
You've been in a horrible headspace since last night's talk with Jimin. Even after confronting him about whatever he's hiding, he still refused to talk about it. 
Being kept in the dark only makes your anxiety worse. Now you're having to overthink and wonder what could've been the reason. 
Was he actually seeing someone else and is too scared to admit it? Him moving on so quickly after having sex with you would sting, but you wouldn't hold it against him. 
He was single. He could date whoever he wanted. 
Was he truly just trying to respect your wishes and thought maybe you wanted space? It doesn't seem that simple. He would've just said that. 
Did he actually know where you were and choose not to reach out? Maybe he did his own digging and found you but didn't know about the pregnancy. 
Or maybe he did know and was trying to avoid things for his career. And when he told his manager about it, maybe Mr. Lim took matters into his own hands without telling Jimin. 
There's a lot more terrible thoughts swimming around in the back of your head that you're trying to suppress. That's really all you can do to stay sane. 
This makes you feel like shit. He's asking you to trust him but he won't trust you. How dare he tell you he loves you, because when you love someone, you don't keep secrets. 
Especially not in a fragile situation like this. 
He had the opportunity to communicate with you and reassure you. He had the opportunity to build that trust back up. 
But he chose not to. Whoever he's protecting is more important than you are. Maybe it's someone else. Or maybe it's himself. 
Either way, it's clear that you're not enough. You're not worth fighting for. 
After sobbing for a few minutes outside the door, you picked yourself up off the floor and watched Jimin cry quietly over Jia through the window. Seeing him hold your little girl so tenderly made your heart swell, but you had to turn the sound off because you couldn't stomach hearing him weep. He seemed so sad and heartbroken. 
You gave him ten minutes instead of five, also allowing yourself some more time to calm down. Iseul had texted you to make sure you were okay and said not to rush, but you couldn't keep her waiting any longer. 
The exchange was silent as you walked back inside, and you knew he was staring a hole into your forehead but you refused to look at his face. You would've crumbled the second you made eye contact. 
It's impossible to deny that there's still something there between you two, but feelings aren't always enough. 
A successful relationship can't survive off love alone. It depends on trust, communication, finances, beliefs, dedication, and a bit of luck as well.