ninety-five

                                    

                                          
 DOUBLE UPDATE YAY - SORRY FOR THE WAIT! thank you again for all the lovely comments and encouragement, you're the starriest stars - also like EVERYBODY spotted the pun, you're all great at pun-spotting xD so sadly there's no winner ahah
                          


                          
     Isaac's dad promised to forward him all his mail and the next week he got a bank statement which made him stare, paused mid-toast in the dusty light of the morning. 
                          
    "What is it?" asked Jared. Isaac passed him the statement, pointing his index finger at a transfer that'd been made last week. 
                          
    "It's from my dad," he said softly. Jared glanced up at him. It was a pretty significant amount of money, yeah, but really to Jared dads putting money in your bank account was never a thing of love. When Jared's dad had started doing it it'd been out of guilt, an easy way to cut free of them emotionally. He'd always thought it was a kinda crappy move but Isaac was staring at the bank statement like it contained all the love he'd been missing.
                          
    "I- that's nice of him," Jared said cautiously, not sure quite how to see what Isaac was seeing. Isaac nodded.
                          
    "It's more than that, J. D'you know how terrified Dad is of my mum? And they have a joint bank account so I don't know- I don't even know how he managed this." He shook his head in wonder. "It's a pretty brave thing for him to do, J."
                          
     Jared watched him smile and thought of that weak little man in his too-long trousers, wading so out of his depth into frightening waters for Isaac, for this little gesture. And no, maybe he would never show a tenth of the bravery his son did, but it still- yes, Jared realised, it still meant something.
                          


                          
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     That night Jared heard Isaac praying when he thought Jared was asleep, and couldn't help but turn to him when he was done and ask curiously,
                          
    "You still believe in all that? Even after- I don't know. With your mum and all. Doesn't it make you feel kind of shitty?"
                          
     Isaac had gone a little red at being caught but he shrugged slightly and said,
                          
    "Different gods."
                          
     Jared crinkled up his nose.
                          
    "Thought there was only s'posed to be one god for you guys."
                          
    "I-" began Isaac, then nodded. "Yeah, I guess I mean, different ways of looking at the same god. Mam's religion was always about fear and guilt and shame and I- I just think it's built more on love."
                          
     He looked suddenly sheepish and added flippantly, as if to dispel his embarrassment,
                          
    "Yay, DMCs about religion! We really know how to sleepover."
                          
     Jared let it go and raised an eyebrow playfully, revelling in the way Isaac looked so at home in his bed.
                          
    "What, that not good enough for you?" he said teasingly. "You wanna paint nails and have pillow fights and shit?"
                          
    "Is that a challenge?" Isaac asked, sitting up with this perfect little smirk that almost took Jared's breath away with how much he had missed it. "Cos I would totally beat you."
                          
    "Oh really?"
                          
     It felt beautifully familiar to throw comments back and forth like this- but there was also a vaguely giddy, unsteady feeling spreading through Jared, this heart-racing uncertainty about how long this would last, this fear that he'd push too far and break the spell. He wanted so much to be sure Isaac's smiling playfulness would stay but it was futile, like an urge to pin down rainbows or bottle sunbeams for when the clouds came out. 
                          
    "J? You okay?"
                          
     Isaac's voice was soft, concerned, and Jared realised he must've frozen in his thoughts. Isaac's smile had faded. Fucking up already, are we, sneered a little voice in Jared's head.
                          
    "Yeah I-" he tried, and then stopped, swallowed. His next words came out all in a rush. "I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing, Isaac."
                          
     Isaac tilted his head a little, smiled.
                          
    "Neither do I," he said. "Guess we'll just have to muddle through."
                          
     Jared nodded, throat still tight. There was a moment in which they just looked at each other and then Isaac pitched forward and threw his arms tightly round Jared's neck. 
                          
    "You're doing perfectly," he said, voice slightly muffled. Because yeah, of course Isaac was a fucking mind reader when it came to Jared. "I couldn't do this without you, J. You make everything seem a little bit better."
                          
    "Yeah yeah," mumbled Jared with a choky laugh. 
                          
     Isaac drew back, face stern.
                          
    "I'm serious. You got that?"
                          
    "I got it."
                          
     "You'd better." He smiled, suddenly like a light switched on. "Now let's watch a movie and complete the whole middle-school sleepover experience."