Oily Disappointment

                                    

                                          

The hot marshmallow sticks to the roof of my mouth as I bite it off of the stick, listening in on the conversation Cardo and Kuruk have in front of me as they burn their marshmallows far past consumption. 
"Do you think it's Dooku that has him so on edge? I heard he contacted Ren last week in regards to a failed shipment in upstate New York." Kuruk blows out the small fireball at the end of his stick.
"That doesn't explain the last 3 months now, does it? It's more than his business in the streets." Cardo sips from his glass before chewing the sticky mess between his fingers. 
I still find it so weird how they openly speak about business in front of me now that I have been initiated into this family. Although I may not be included in all of it, I now know a good amount compared to before. It makes me feel like one of them despite knowing they still hide some things from me. Sometimes I'm grateful for that.
Ap'lek sits in the chair next to me with a fresh marshmallow on his stick, "Bank of Ren is running smoothly thanks to Ushar so that leaves the obvious..." His eyes dart to me and the conversation quiets for a moment. 
I roll my eyes, "You can speak of it. I won't shatter hearing his name." 
Ap'lek stares at me before nodding and continuing, "As I said, the only obvious cause of his sour mood is what may be unfolding overseas. We have been ready for retaliation for the last three months and it has been near exhausting. The anticipation is almost worse than what may be coming."
Hanging onto every word he says, I realize he has a point. In some ways, I wish it would just happen. Living on pins and needles is putting everyone on edge and making life that much harder. I stare at the fire and barely listen to the conversation Cardo and Kuruk are now having, not involving Kylo. 
"Will you go on a walk with me?" I set my stick down and stand up, my ass aching from the sure bruises forming from Kylo's hands.
Ap'lek chews his marshmallow in one bite and nods, standing to walk with me. I grab his hand and hold it loosely to help navigate over the empty liquor bottles, ashtrays, and rocks to get onto the grass of the backyard. Once there, I drop his hand and fold my arms, slowly walking past the pool and the sun deck. 
"It technically worked," Ap'lek is quiet as we leave the fire behind us and walk towards the ocean. 
"Did it?" I force a dry laugh, "Hard to tell when I was the one on all fours in front of seven men being degraded."
Ap'lek says nothing to that although I see his spine straighten. 
We slowly approach the cliff to where it is a forty-foot drop to the ocean, "There was no passion. No warmth. All I saw was the Kylo I knew a year ago who scared me. We made so much progress and it is... gone. He looks at me with those same eyes that praised me during our blood pact but his actions are quite opposite." 
He turns to face me but I don't break eye contact with the ocean waves. I feel the soreness between my thighs, but that is all. Nothing warms my chest; nothing has a smirk pulling at my lips. I feel numb and it is the scariest thing to feel. My toes wiggle closer to the edge as I peer over the cliff, seeing if I would survive if I fell. 
Ap'lek's arm lays across my chest as he gently pushes my body backwards, "Don't even think about it." 
I meet his stare as he looks down at me, "I'm not suicidal, dummy. I used to go cliff jumping at Pictured Rocks every summer."
"That was then," he shakes his head, "and not into the ocean. Do I need Clyde to watch you?"
I shake my head, "No, he is busy enough as it is."