Hate myself

                                    

                                          
Clara Clarice Martin Wilson
sinds we came back from Canada i have been spending my time or in bed or in the living room on the couch Charles tried to get me out of the house a few times but i just want to stay inside where i dont have to see other people only Charles then and Arthur also came once by who read the artical at first he was like what the hack but i told him the real side of the story and he understoot and he was sorry for me i also told pascal who was of course worried about her son but i told her and she understood it and was also suportive 
Charles tried to talk me into therapie like officer Mcoy but i dont want therapie i just dont like talking to people who i dont know about my past i hate that
i try to distract myself with everything that can distract me to not think of those memories i still have those nightmarres about that night
through the years  just tried to not think of those memories and after 3 years i didnt had those nightmarres anymore but now they are back there wasnt a day through all these 6 years that i didnt think of that night and the moment i woke up in the hospital and the moment in court
Charles tried to spent time with me when he didnt have to race and i was great full that he is here for me 6 years ago i didnt had anyone my parents changed after that lawsuit and the way they looked at me changed complely but all those 6 years i learn i dont need anyone and that i can handle all this shit on my own like i want to do now but the thing is this time i know i cant do it alone but all those 6 years i did it alone i came self over every trauma of what happend 6 years ago with Zayn and everything 
i was laying in bed when and i felt Charles getting in bed and cuddling me from behind
"Hey do you feel better?" Charles asked me 
"Now your here yes" I say and I smile
"I made food for us" he said and kissed my cheek 
"Oke" I said and I came after a few minutes out of bed and i eat dinner with Charles
...
"did you already thought of the therapie thing?" charles asked me and i looked at him "you know i only want to help you" he said and i nodded
"i know Charles but i just dont like talking to people who i dont know about my past" i say
"i know but therapie could help maybe" he said
"maybe or maybe not" i say
"if you just try one sesion and you can always say i dont want it anymore" he said and i look at him
"maybe once isnt that worse" i say and he smiled
"i wil make a apointment for you" he said and i nodded
•••
And there I was sitting on the couch by my first therapy session 
"So Clara I heard something's from your partner but I actually asked my self why don't you like therapy?" The therapist Ashly asked me 
"I don't really like talking to someone about my past that I don't know" I say
"I get that but you can trust me and if you don't want tell than you don't when your ready to tell me you can" she said and I nodded 
"I'm not going to ask the story you can tell me when you feel your ready but I want to ask what did you feel when you read that article?" She asked me "if you don't want to answer its oke" she added and I nodded 
"I-i- I felt every memory every feeling coming back like it happend yesterday" I say and she nodded 
"How did you feel?" She asked 
"Anxious and scared what everyone would think of me wel I still feel that" I say
"I'm not judging you and I think your pretty strong if I read where you've been all going through in these past 6 years and I don't know ofc course the story but I can tell you Clara your strong but you try to distract yourself from every thought of your past" she said 
"That's how I got over the first time distracting myself from everything that remind me of that" I say and she looks at me 
"I know that's the most easiest way but I want you to except it and if you want to go further with this I can help you with that" she said and I nodded 
•••
A/n
I hope you liked this chapter my inspiration for this book is a little dead so yea😂
I don't really like this chapter so sorry if it was bad<33
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