JAMES
I've been having a hard time adjusting. I don't think Betty would care if I came back, and Augustine is furious. I have a lot of regrets about that.
I've been sinking into myself, feeling like a rusting wheel, no longer able to serve its purpose. I screwed up real bad, didn't I.
Last night I got up at 3 am, and drove up the mountain in my car. I pulled the car off the road, parked right by the lookout. I stared into the blackness of the night, wondering, just wondering...why and I still here? God, I know I could've followed my fears all the way down.
I just want Betty to know, I'm trying. I'm doing my best. I tried my best. I did my best to get her back. But my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, and I made everything so much worse
I've gotten wasted like all my potential, school not even a thought in my mind. Am I gonna graduate? I'm so far ahead of the curve that it's become a sphere, and I've fallen behind all of my classmates. They gave me a break year, and I was supposed to head back this year. Dunno if I will.
A week ago I stumbled into a bar and asked for whiskey. I ended up drunk enough that I poured out my heart to some stranger at midnight.
And it's kinda hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound, hard to be anywhere these days when all I think about and want is Betty. All I can remember of her is faint flashbacks, angry arguments, all blurred by the drunkenness of sadness.
I'm doing my best. I'm trying! I'm trying so hard, can't she see? Can't they all see? And maybe I don't quite know what to say, maybe I don't know how to tell them that I feel like a broken record, not scratched but bent in two.
I just want them to know I'm trying.
At least I'm trying!
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𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘬𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦
Fanfictionthe story of betty, james, and augustine, and their rebounding heartbreak ~ based on taylor swift's studio album, folklore ~ credit to t. swizzle, whose work this is based on. ~ also this is just my interpertation of the album. fight me if u want i...
