34. Call of Silence

                                    

                                          
"You're trembling, we share a kiss
Our worlds eclipse"
The feeling of serenity was somehow infectious, even in my sleep. I dreamt of butterflies, of a vast field near my home in England, and of my father running after Celia and me. It felt somewhat real so when I opened my eyes, the smile was still on my face. Another thing brought clarity to me, and that is Cassian's sleeping face near mine. I don't remember when, but at some point during the movie, I fell asleep, and I suppose Cassian did too, since we are still on a sofa, leaning on each other. Rather, it's an uncomfortable way to sleep, I must say, but I still feel a lot better than yesterday. 
I couldn't help but chuckle as I brushed a stray piece of hair away from his face. 
-Wakey, wakey... It's half past one.- The big clock on my wall tells me the exact time, and I can't remember the last time I got up so late. Actually, I can, and again, Cassian was involved. 
-Mmmm... I would rather not.- He mumbled to himself, making some displeased face. 
-Come on, you have ten more minutes, at best, until I make some eggs for breakfast.- His response was unrecognized, so I got up to freshen up and make said breakfast. Honestly, somewhere in my mind, I expected Nicholas to show up, and I wonder how he would react if he saw Cassian here. I think he was pretty clear that he doesn't like men around me, so that must be a sign that he cares, right? On the other hand, I want to keep Cassian as something mine, my secret, my sanctuary that I can go to to lift up my spirit. I know that sounds selfish, but it's not as simple as it sounds. I want to be here for him, too, and my admiration for Cassian, as a friend, only grew from last night. 
As I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and scrambled some eggs, Cassian finally woke up, appearing behind me in the kitchen. 
-Is there any chance you have a spare brush, I would feel much more comfortable right now.- With a light chuckle I gave him instructions on where to find it while I set up a table. Now it's almost two o'clock and Nicholas hasn't contacted me yet. Partly I'm afraid I've fallen into this loophole and the same things are happening to me over and over again. With all the uncertainty, I'm certain I will repeat the same mistakes. Why? Because I know I'm weak. I want to hear what he has to say, I want him to seek me out. 
-These are the best eggs I had, have you considered changing your profession?- Cassian's voice brought me back to reality and the corners of my mouth moved on their own at his cheesy joke.
-I'm sure you are born at the wrong time, fifty years ago your jokes would have been a hit. It's just so sad.- At this, he rolled his eyes and glared at me while almost choking on his breakfast.
-You don't know how to take a compliment, and my jokes are funny, thank you very much. They just require a person without a stick up their butt.-
-Was that another attempt at a joke, if so, very funny, ha ha.- Another eye roll and I had to bite my lip to stop myself from smiling. I won't give him the satisfaction of making me laugh and proving that he's right.
-It appears you are the main comedian around here, so sorry to steal your spotlight. Jealousy is not a good color just so you know.- Now that did make me chuckle, reminding me of certain situations with similar moral of the story. 
-Hm... I've heard that before. Fair point.- With a silent encouragement from Cassian, we got back to my eggs until a ping of a new text made me jump from my seat to get to it. For a second, I ignored everything around me when I saw that it is indeed Nicholas who is sending me the text. 
-What does he say?- I didn't realize how hard I'm glaring at the text until Cassian's voice brought me to reality. 
-It's just... time at which he wants us to meet, at his apartment.-  This shouldn't disappoint me since I expected something similar but I thought maybe this time things have changed. After our fight I expected him to realize my worth and to at least treat me... better, I guess? God, it's such a pathetic thing to say or think. That one should be a given, right? Who knows what Cassian is thinking about me right now, I'm sure he's judging me and I don't blame him.