𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐨𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐝𝐚, the school's princess and honour student, had never messed up in front of others. She was always Ms. Perfect and everyone loved her, maybe not all but you know what I mean.
Rui felt curious and allured to her, as if she w...
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— makoto pov
The very next day, I hang out with Rui. I invited Tsukasa, Nene and Emu but they said they all could not come because they were all sick. I do not believe them but I don't wanna pry.
Rui and I walked around Scramble Crossing, a seemingly boring event but it was really fun.
Rui lately has been rather odd lately, that smile whenever he sees me.
It's.. distracting. I don't mind it, everyone smiles and greets me. It's just that Rui's attention in particular makes me feel all antsy.
Is this love? This is the type of feeling main characters get in shoujo, right? When the girl slowly gets closer to the love interest and then a dramatic scene comes where he asks her out.
Oh how bliss, but I doubt that Rui even likes me like that. Do I like Rui like that? All of this is so confusing, how can you even tell if you like someone?
It doesn't matter, all that matters is that I study really hard. I'll get distracted, distracted by his stupid smile, his stupid cute voice and his stupid little rambles.
I hate him for making me feel this way.
—
After hanging out with Rui, I go home. As if I have to do something at home.
I open the door quickly to see Mom, passed out on the table. Sad, isn't it? That mother who was supposed to teach me all about life is drunk and passed out on the table.
It doesn't matter.
I check the fridge. A few eggs, a bag of milk, some fruits. I decide I'm going grocery shopping, with my Mom's credit card. I don't think she even notices that my sister sends us money.
I leave the house, it's only 4pm and it's almost dark. It doesn't matter, I pick up my feet and walk to the grocery store.
I've been upset lately, and really sleepy. I get full hours of sleep and yet I feel like I want to take five more in the day. Is it hypersomnia or am I sick?
It doesn't matter, if I skip school I'll fall behind.
I bump into someone because of me spacing out, "..I'm sorry." I mutter drowsily.
"Makoto?" the voice above me says. I turn my head up, my expression was probably weird to him. "Are you okay..?"
Tears swell up in my eyes as they drop down, "Yeah.". Stupid, isn't it? Rui sighs, "You're crying and you're saying you're fine."
I wipe my eyes, this sucks. It's embarrassing, "It doesn't matter." I hiccup out.
He grabs my wrist before I even turn to leave, "Sorry- It's just that.. it does matter." I look at him stoically, waiting for him to continue.
I don't think he knew what to do at that moment, he seemed so confused. I would be too. I've never helped anyone like this before.
At the moment, all he could do was hug me and say "It matters so much."
Four words mattered to me, a lot. It's weird, he didn't understand one single thing I was going through yet the words he said made so much sense to me.
It matters a lot now, doesn't it?
—
I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling fan spin around and around. What just happened?
I cried, I haven't cried in a long time. I might just say that the last time I cried was when my mother gave birth to me.
Crying is so embarrassing. I don't think it's weak or anything, it's a human thing but when I do it. It's so odd. I'm not a crybaby, so why did I cry so easily? Emotions, they're so confusing.
But I'm kinda glad that Rui was there, he didn't laugh at me but hugged me. He's really warm, does that make sense?
His embrace was warm and comforting, that humiliating feeling didn't go away when he hugged me but now it's so weird to think about. He hugged me.
Hugs are nice, maybe it's just Rui's hugs. I want to be hugged by him again.
I like him, don't I?
— Makoto Fukuda fact! Her favourite animal is a snake, if she could she would've had a pet snake because she loves how they act, as in how they grow and how their daily activities are. She doesn't understand why people are scared of them.
