XIII

                                    

                                          
That evening Noor sat among some of the ladies of the Dhaliwal family when Prem peaked his head through the hall in which they sat and called her name. "Noor...let's go."
Naturally pleased to see him, Noor gathered her chunni at once and rose to her feet. She noticed some excited looks being exchanged among the women as she nodded at them to indicate she was leaving. Ignoring them, she walked out and her guards followed her. "Where are we going?" She asked Prem once outside.
"To the outer gardens, remember. I told you I would take you for a walk." Prem reminded her.
"That's right!" Noor exclaimed as they began walking. Exiting through one of the side doors of the palace, they were greeted by a cool evening breeze as Prem led her down a stone pathway to the gardens on the outer skirts of the humongous yard of the palace. These offered stunning views of the villages below during the sunset. Walking side by side with him, Noor made an attempt to calm her ambitious, ecstatic heart. It felt perfect. His presence, his smile, his receptiveness towards her. It felt like he was...hers again. 
They made their way into the line of small flower trees at the entrance of the garden. "These are so beautiful." Noor pointed at the small white flowers on the trees.
"It's spring in Kurral!" Prem pointed out.
"You guys don't need to walk behind me the entire time." Noor took a moment to instruct her guards. She wanted this walk to feel as private as possible with Prem. Her guards obeyed and took their positions at different ends of the garden.
"So..." Prem began once again.
"So..." Noor repeated his tone.
"How are you liking my Kurral?" He inquired.
"Your Kurral is..." Noor paused, looking ahead for a moment, "...captivating. My heart is..." she hesitated yet again, "...yours."
Prem's eyes rested on her face for a moment.
"I meant...your Kurral's." Noor shook her head, clarifying. As if anything out of her mouth would ever convince him her heart does not truly belong to him.
"Of course..." Prem nodded trying to relieve her of whatever she had gotten herself into. They walked in silence for a couple moments before he cleared his throat again, "so...how's life been?" He didn't know why he was venturing back into this area but he truly wanted to know. Having the random moments of jokes and fun with her was perfect, and something he was sure she too sincerely lacked in her life. However, what he craved for was the depth. Depth of conversation, of perspective, of wisdom between them.
Noor sighed. "Life's been okay."
He gave her a sideways look. "Okay..."
"What?!" Noor let out a laugh. "You want me to spell out how miserable my life is without..." She stopped.
"Without?" Prem probed.
You. Her eyes announced but her lips remained sealed.
Prem's heart skipped a beat and he forced himself to look ahead. Arriving at the end of a row of bushes, they took a turn and began down the second line. "I meant..." Prem thought of how to best communicate his desire of peeling back layers of how life has recently been and the lessons she learned from it.
"I know what you mean, Prem." Noor stated staring straight ahead. "Life's been...pointless...I'm the on the highest throne in the land but I would find it liberating if my life could somehow end this very moment. In fact, since I'm next to you, I would prefer it that way. I know you're probably expecting a philosophical answer of how I've found true meaning in service and wake up each day to make the kingdom better. And while a part of that is true, it's of my sincerest desires to make this kingdom more prosperous and powerful than it has ever been, the reality is that I am so busy filling the hollow inside me that I can hardly perform the bare minimum as the Queen. I'm so fucking empty that the largest treasure of the land, the heaviest crown, and absolute power could not fill me up. It's damning really... shameful too. I wasn't born for this title, I was given it, with so much love but here I am, as ungrateful as ever. I wake up every day and think of how great it would be if somehow one of my guards during practice could misaim their arrow, and it would get me in the heart. So Doab and I would be relieved of each other once and for all."