Breath in, Breath out

                                    

                                          
I'm tired. I know im fucking tired. I just cant shut my eyes and go to sleep. Its impossible. Everytime i close my eyes, i start thinking of Johnny. Not in a bad way, but the way ive treated him. Its never been the greatest, i just feel bad about not talking to him recently. 
I turned over burry my face in the pillow and scream, tears coming out of my eyes as i did. I was frustrated. I was mad. I was mad about Terry Silver pushing me father than i wanted to go, i was mad that i entered the tournament, i was mad that i hurt that girl in the parking lot i was just mad at myself. 
I picked up the phone in my room and dialed his number. Yes it was two in the morning, but i didnt care. It didnt matter. I dont even know what im going to say. He'll probably ignore it. 
"Hello?" his voice was deep and raspy. 
"Johnny?" i said quietly, not wanting to wake Jules up. 
"Hey, whats the matter?" he asked, shifting in bed a bit. 
"Can i come over?" i asked him. I didnt really know what else to do. 
"Yeah. is everything okay?" he asked, i nodded even though he couldnt see me. 
"Yeah, ill be there in two minutes." i told him. He hummed in response and hung up before me. 
I put on a pair of slip-on shoes and a t shirt. I wouldn't go over there shirtless, that would be fucking embarrassing. Even though Johnny is the person I could tell anything, he wouldn't be that comfortable that quickly. 
I ran over to his house and to his bedroom window. A singular lamp was on when I opened it. Johnny was standing up and fixing his hair or whatever when I landed on his bed. It didn't creak or anything, it just scared the shit out of him. 
"Everything okay?" He asked, walking towards me. He was topless and smiling, how great. "Everything's fine," I told him. My voice cracked about fifty times, plus It sounded like I was crying. I was, but not now. 
He looked into my eyes like he was searching for pirate treasure. "Are you sure?" He asked, breaking a grin and leaning forwards. I just threw my arms around hi shoulders and hugged him. 
He was taken a bit off guard, but put his hands around my torso. "I just missed you, I guess." I mumbled into the crook of his neck. He laughed a bit, running his hand down my back. "I guess I missed your smartass remarks too."
He laid down in his bed and I went beside him, still in his embrace. The cover was over us and my eyes were partially closed. I still couldn't sleep. The thought of karate kept me up. 
"Johnny?" I asked. "Hmm?" He replied. I moved off his shoulder and leaned against my left for arm to look at him. "If one of us beats the other at the tournament, what will happen?" I asked. He sighed and leaned on his right forearm, facing me. 
"Depends." He said. "If I kick your ass, you'll be mad and pissy." He smiled. I rolled my eyes. "If you kick my ass," he made eye contact with me. "Which you won't.," he paused. "I'll be mad and pissy." He gave us both the same conclusions. 
I went on my back and sighed. So did Johnny. We both just laid there in silence, thinking about the All Valley. It was bad to think about. It was now December 18 and the 20th was the tournament. The 20th could also be the end of the friendship. 
"How about, if one of us wins and the other loses, we forget about it and stay friends." I said. He laughed and nodded. "I dont think itll come down to that." he told me. I sarcastically scoffed. "You dont think i can kick ass?" i asked him. "Oh, i know you can, just," he sighed. "I really dont want to talk about fighting right now," he looked at me. I nodded. "Goodnight, Johnny." i closed my eyes and leaned against him. "Goodnight, Monroe." 
–
"Johnny Lawrence is going to kick the living daylights out of you, do you want that?" Silver asked me, I shook my head. "Show him you dont want it!" he yelled. The boards all split down the middle in the matter of seconds. "You like that huh?" he asked me, looking at my bloody hands. I nodded. I loved the feeling. 
"Youre doing so great sweetie," i looked to my right and saw my mother smiling. "Im proud of you," i looked to my left and saw my father. Terry was in the middle of them, smiling like a madman. "Look how proud your parents are of you," Terry said. Then a cross dangles from the ceiling, the same exact cross i talked to eight years ago. 
I saw the room around be transform into the room back in Brooklyn, the room where the glass shattered all over my face. I heard the rev of an engine, then the machine gun. It was so fast, yet so detailed. I turned around right at the window broke in my face, cutting my once again. 
"Fight it Jane, fight it!" i heard Silver scream in my ear as i watched the glass fly by my head. I felt every singular cut in my face, i felt the blood running down my neck. I turned around and the cross had turned into a chandelier, one in the country club that Johnny and i talked at. 
"Do you really hate me?" he asked, tears in his eyes. Silver was standing right behind him, pointing at his head. "Monroe," he said, tears falling from his eyes. After the gun went off, he was my mother. 
–
I sat up, grabbing my chest as i did. Tears were coming out of my eyes and i could barely see. My breathing was heavy and i couldnt control it. My mouth was dry. I was sweating terribly. I took a deep breath in, then a slow one out. It didnt help. 
"Monroe?" Johnny turned on the light on his nightstand. "Im alright." i told him, he sat up and looked at me. "Stop lying," he turned me towards him. That made the real tears come. "Whats goin' on?" he asked softly. I just let out a breath and tried to calm down. 
"My mom," i replied softly. I laid back down and Johnny put his arms around me. "Oh fuck," i wiped my tears away. "M, you can cry in front of me, you know that right?" he smiled. I let out a sad laugh. "M? Thats new." i said. He shrugged. "I just thought of it." he said. I leaned into his shoulder more. 
"What happened?" he asked a few moments later. "What do you mean?" i asked. "Your mom, what happened with you mom?" he explained. "She died when i was 9," i told him. "I dont talk about it to anybody really," i paused. He held my tighter. "If you wanna talk about it, ill listen." he mumbled. I just closed my eyes and went to sleep again.