"Deep breaths," Y/N whispered to herself as she tried to focus on her surroundings rather than her feelings. She ran her thumb over her fingers, counting slowly in her head, a trick Remus had taught her back in school to help her calm down. Once she reached the far corner of the graveyard she stood frozen in her place, not bringing herself to look at the two stones she came to visit. Her breaths turned ragged as she clenched and unclenched her fists, "I can't do this." She sat down in the snow, cringing when she felt the cold seep through her clothes.
After steeling her nerves she finally looked up at the stones in front of her. Lily Potter. She felt her heart drop to her stomach as the air in her lungs left her body in a harsh gasp. Her sister-in-law. Her sweet Lily. She knew she needed to turn and see her brother but she couldn't do it. No matter how hard she tried to turn her head she couldn't move.
"I'm so sorry..." Her voice was breathless and barely loud enough to be heard by anyone. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come and visit." She paused, silently wishing to hear their voices tell her it was okay. And maybe she was going crazy, but she could've sworn she felt the faint brush of a warm hand against her cheek. She smiled to herself and kept talking, "I'm sure you're wondering how Harry is... He's fine, babbling more and more every day." She finally looked up at the other stone, James Potter. "He looks so much like you. I have our old photo albums mom used to keep and I swear Jamie... He's a spitting image of you, other than the eyes of course. It's Lil's eyes he has."
The more she forced herself to talk the easier it became, the lump in her throat seemed to loosen despite the salty tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'll admit there are times when I feel like I can't do it. I can't take care of him... I'll never be his mom and I just-" She sighed, "He looks so much like you both it hurts. But I try, every day I try harder to be the best Aunt I possibly can be for him." She looked back down at the snow around her and let her fingers draw shapes and patterns. "You have to know that I'll never let him forget you two. I tell him about you guys all the time and I show him the photo albums. I know he can't really understand yet, but when he does start understanding I'll make sure he knows you two loved him so much."
She sat there in silence for a few moments before the cold started to sink into her joints, making it hard to flex her fingers. She moved to stand up but froze, looking at her brother and sister-in-law, tears still falling down her cheeks. "I have to go now, or else I may be joining you two very soon." She let out a humorless laugh. "I'll come back and visit. I promise, and next time I'll bring Harry." She ran her fingers over their names, knowing her fingers must be blistering because of the cold but she didn't care. "I hate that I won't have you with me anymore... But know that your memory will live past the short time we had together."
She tightened her fist the best she could. "What did they have to take you? Was it because I didn't pray or tried hard enough? I'm sorry I let you both slip away... I should've fought harder, I knew I could've fought harder." She took a deep breath, shuddering at the bitter cold air entering her lungs. "I have to get back to Harry... Molly is watching him for me right now..." A choked sob fell from her chapped lips, "I'm never going to meet what could've been you as parents. What would've been, what should've been you." She took her wand and left a wreath of white roses. "I'll come again. I love you both." She kissed her fingers and placed them on the cold stones. "Goodbye."
