Chapter 18

                                    

                                          

There is always a solution to every problem. 
I recognised that I might have been slightly driven by my emotions- it was hard not to. I was afraid of how many times I have recognised this yet still let my emotions get the best of me. I was hoping to really break the cycle. I needed to break the cycle but one thing I knew for sure- it was the last time I judged anyone from a book without having been in their shoes.
This was nothing like the books. Reading about fear and actually facing it head on were two different things. I have never felt such fear of someone in my entire life. Reading about murderers and actually seeing people murdered were also two very different things that I took lightly. Looking into eyes that were soulless wasn't as charming as I thought it would be. I spent a lot of time at home there was nothing to do but read and write- the  majority went to reading. 
I remember telling Anele a lot of things that I would definitely think twice about now. This has 
shown me a world I didn't think I would ever be caught up in in anyway. A world I only knew of in movies and books craved to experience but now how I wish to take that back. I was clearly demented but I understood that everything from a book was a fairy tale but was it so bad for a girl to want a fairytale of her own. 
I looked at the now made bed sighing, making this bed was always a task because it's so big but it wasn't really a big deal, plus these days I preferred making it because the last time I woke up and went straight to the shower and came out Irene made a comment about 'undeserving people getting a taste of this life and thinking they belonged -acting like they didn't have hands.'
I had said nothing and headed into the walk in closet not forgetting how the maid that was beside her with a tray of food looked at me she was also definitely not a fan. I didn't want any trouble and I had no time to entertain them even though they looked at me like I was the gum stuck under their shoe- I felt like the description I used was an understatement to how they actually looked at me.
I wanted to avoid commotion while I was in here I already had one monster making my life hell I didn't need other people to join in. Plus it wasn't a wise idea to be everyone's enemy. What was comical to me though was the fact that Lachlan was the one who literally commanded me not to lift a finger when I insisted on making the bed. I cleaned the rest of the room with ease and delight it helped take my mind of a lot of things and made me busy so I didn't mind as long as they would stop making snide comments, I was in no position to entertain them and I wouldn't dare. 
I realised I didn't actually realise how big this room is until you actually have to clean it and how beautiful and luxurious it was, after I was done I headed downstairs looking forward to my time with Annie. Even though my feedback from trying to 'understand' him completely failed I didn't lose hope. How does one understand such a man without remorse or life in his eyes. I felt I was being a hypocrite to some degree. 
Things were truly different over the phone then now maybe it was because I could imagine he wasn't this scary person. It was very hard to imagine that when he was right next to me towering over me reminding me how little I am compared to him and how easily he could crush me even though I definitely would not go down without a fight. And I just always seemed to know just what to say when it came to him. 
My eyes connected to the tray of food covered and a note on the side of the tray my heart sank knowing that she wouldn't be able to join me today. I felt like I needed to fill my day up with something because I would end up going crazy, I got so happy over our human interaction that I looked forward to it maybe I was looking for human interaction in the wrong place- I quickly shut down that thought because in order to have human interaction with him he would have to be human.