25 | Blue Pain

                                    

                                          
Shouto Todoroki
Todoroki could vividly remember Mai's reaction to being informed of her father's relationship with Bakugou:
"So, did you tell her about us?" Bakugou whispered to Todoroki, who shook his head. "Want me to tell her?"
Todoroki nodded slowly and thought, I've been too afraid to even type out answers most of the time for anyone... Afraid...
"Oi, Mai."
"Yeah?"
"What if I told you that your dad is my boyfriend?" Bakugou smirked and canted his head.
Mai blinked silently, slowly lifting her gaze from her drawing on the floor. "But you're a boy."
Bakugou's brows raised in amusement. "Just 'cuz we're both guys doesn't mean we can't be together."
"But...Dad loved Mom. Why does he pick you now?"
"Bet he always will love her. But since, well, he ain't with her, he's up for grabs again."
"Oh, okay. So, Dad loves Uncle Kat?"
Todoroki nodded hesitantly.
"Then I love Uncle Kat too."
Maybe she really wouldn't need me, Todoroki inwardly sighed while pouring a drink for himself. Damn, it still burns. The urges are getting stronger and more frequent. I'm terrified of someone finding out. I'm terrified of trusting others. I'm terrified of saying too much. I'm terrified of talking to anyone. I'm...terrified of everything. Why? That's not like me. That's not me. He shook his head and pressed the cold rim of his glass to his lips. I feel so much more like myself when I'm drunk.
And you don't see anything wrong with that?
"Dad." Mai plopped a box beside Todoroki on the couch; it produced a jangling, wooden trickle. "Can we do a puzzle together?"
I'd just fuck it up, Todoroki thought. But I don't want to say no.
Sure. You can start. I'll be back in a minute.
After pouring himself a glass of vodka and lime juice with ice, Todoroki sat with his daughter on the floor.
This is the puzzle Momo gave her... Todoroki realized, glancing at the field of sunflowers depicted on the box cover. It hurts. Knowing I'm still here, but without you... No. You'll come back. I just need to wait. I just need to wait...and everything will be normal again. Everything will be normal again.
Forty minutes later, the puzzle was halfway complete, and Todoroki was no longer thinking about his wife. Todoroki was no longer repeating to himself that he and everything would be fine. Todoroki was no longer present in reality.
"You doin' all right?" Bakugou asked while Todoroki set his drink down.
Todoroki nodded. When I'm not paranoid about everything, I feel so empty, and yet, everything aches. Just leaving the house has become something I'm afraid of. Why? Why am I like this? Why is it only getting worse? Maybe I dealt with some anxiety in the past, but never to this extent. I don't even want to believe it. It's so pathetic... I wish—
Todoroki flinched as something gripped his shoulder. Instantaneously jerked from his thoughts, he stifled a wince.
With lowered brows and an expression dripping with shadow, Bakugou met Todoroki's gaze. "Hey," Bakugou sighed in a stern breath. "Shu, we need to talk." He glanced around the room for a moment and lowered his shoulders. "Mai ain't here right now, but do you wanna talk here, or in your room? Hold up one finger for here, and two for your room."