seven.

                                    

                                          
"orange juice or apple?" max asked el as el waited at the dining table. 
el looked up, staring straight at her as max held up her hands. "sorry sorry! i thought you wanted apple for a change!" she headed towards the fridge to grab some orange juice for el. 
"so el," max smiled and sat down on the table. "i was talking to lola and she was suggesting for you to go to group therapy,"
el quickly looked away from her. 
"i know, i know. you don't want people to know but you don't have to talk. people will just talk about their experiences and i just want you to know that you're not alone, el. i want you to be better, is all. i was very happy about last time and you know.." 
el looked down then slowly took a deep breath before looking back at her. "scared," she whispered to max. 
max nodded instantly. "i know. it's scary. maybe you can go to more individual sessions first and lola can explain the group ones to you. if you really really don't want to by the end of it, i won't force you."
el looked down at her yogurt bowl then slowly picked up her spoon. "to... today?"
"if you want, i can call lola,"
el waited a beat before she slowly nodded and max smiled widely and leaned forward to hug her. "i'm so proud of you, el,"
el stilled at the words for a second before she relaxed and her head leaned against max's. 
i'm so proud of you, lilah. 
i'm so proud of you, el. 
these words did mean something to her. she craved and starved for the words so much in her childhood. 
hearing them now, it did make her heart warm. sometimes she wished it was from her mother but coming from her best friend and from another friend who may be her second best, she did feel a little bit of joy. 
♥︎♥︎♥︎
"group therapy is just people like you sitting in a circle and explaining their situation. people who has become better and people who are experiencing it," lola explained as el fiddled with a small stuffed toy on her lap that lola had in her office. 
"ta.. talk?" el barely murmured for lola to hear. 
"you don't have to, el. i promise you." lola said in a serious tone, leaning forward to el. "i just want you to know that you're not alone, el. you're never alone."
el fiddled with her fingers, her eyes fixated below. "try.."
lola smiled extremely widely then went to sit down next to her on the couch to hug her. "i am so extremely proud of you for taking this step, el. i'm so so proud,"
el continued to fiddle with the toy in her hands as lola continued to explain how the group therapy worked and when it will start. 
el was nervous of course but she didn't show it. she only stayed silent till the session ended. 
when the session was over, lola reminded el the time and location for the group therapy and walked her out till downstairs.