Shit Shorts

                                    

                                          

 "Why is your neck red? Who's been leaving hickies on your neck?" Chris asked Becky, grinning with mischief. Dave gasped in mock surprise and looked slowly over to Scott, keeping a consistent intake of air.
 "Scott!" He exclaimed. Scott's head snapped so hard to the left to look at Dave that his phone had some delay in arriving.
 "Do not." He said, raising his clipboard to his chest in shock. Becky laughed and rolled her eyes. 
 "Ya'll chill out. Like I'd ever." She said.
 "Okay, rude, first of all." Scott scoffed, directing his attention to Becky. 
 "Hey. No offense, but like... I mean." She pursed her lips and gestured to Scott, moving her hand up and down. 
 "Wow. No, full offense taken. I might even go and cry about that one in my office. All alone." Scott looked down sadly, letting his clipboard holding arm fall.
 "Yeah, maybe that's for the best." Becky shook her head in sorrow.
 "Golly. That... oh goodness." Scott gave a fake sniffle and shuffled off to the back hallway.
 "Well that crosses that out. Damn, Becky. You broke his heart." Dave said, scornfully. Becky just held her hands up in defense. 
 "My bad, Miller. It had to be done. Those men are just ravenous these days." She rolled her eyes, fanning herself.
 "I'm not ravenous." Dave argued, crossing his arms and sticking his hip out to the side.
 "Cause you're one of the girls." Cassy said, smiling brightly as she entered the conversation from the kitchen. "What are we talking about?"
 "Scott is in love with Becky and there's nothing we can do about it." Dave said, shaking his head and wiping a pretend tear from his cheek. "Young love."
 "I'm pretty sure Scott isn't young. Didn't we decide he was like... fifty? I thought we all agreed he was fifty." Chris urged, looking around at the crowd.
 "Oh yeah. Okay, an old man in love with a young woman." Dave amended, patting Becky on the back. "Don't worry. Some old men can be charming." 
 "Coming from an old woman, right?" Cassy asked, referring back to her point that Dave was 'one of the girls'.
 "Yeah. I've had my fair share of old men. Let me tell ya'll. Ooo shit." Dave huffed, letting his head fall back as he swiped at his forehead. Becky swatted him.
 "Being so dead-ass right now. Do you guys think Scott is crushing on Becky?" Matt asked, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. 
 "Oh my god, watch your language, mr." Dave scolded in a motherly tone.
 "Dawg, I'm eighteen now. I can cuss."
 "Not around your mother you can't." Dave said in a shrill voice. Matt just raised his eyebrows.
 "No, Scott is not smitten with me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know how to feel romantic feelings towards anyone." Becky responded, looking at Matt.
 "I don't know, Becks. I think I heard him moaning something about a filing cabinet in his office one time." Matt closed his eyes, preparing to mock Scott's moans before Chris slammed his fist into his arm.
 "Don't be a creep, Matt! Who cares if he wants to have sexual relations with a filing cabinet. He's a grown man. Can't be half as weird as that lady who's in love with the fair ride. Ya'll seen that episode yet?" Chris asked. Dave was struggling to hold his laugh in. 
 "Oh yeah. That was weird. I wish I could unsee it, to be honest. And I think Scott having sex with a filing cabinet is about on par with that." Cassy responded, wincing. 
 "I don't think Scott is having sex with a filing cabinet." Dave rolled his eyes, tricking the other employees into thinking he was being sympathetic before continuing. "I mean, come on guys; have you seen him and his clipboard?" Cassy howled, sinking to her knees as she laughed. "Goodness, I think he started wearing that ring because they got eloped in secret." Dave laughed, slipping his matching ring off his finger and into his pocket without anybody noticing.
 "Ahh hahahaha!" Chris laughed. 
 "You are all completely ridiculous." Becky giggled, and turned to walk away. Dave just sat there smiling, proud of himself.