Monika: The worst thing about depression is knowing that 150 years ago my treatment would have been vibrators and heroin.
---
Nurse: You scored a 25 out of 27 on your mental health questionnaire.
Monika: So that means I'm good at mental health, right?
*Crisis counsellor enters room*
Monika: Aw, beans.
---
Monika: If I had a baby I would simply tell lies about it. Oh you're baby shits itself? Gross. No, mine has never done that, yuck. No, mine is actually The One, as foretold, like from the prophecy. Yeah, he mostly just leads mankind and studies the blade. I dunno man, sounds like your baby sucks
---
Monika: Of course I'm familiar with the seven deadly sins.
- The munchies,
- Super pissed,
- Naps,
- Thinking your hot shit,
- Thinking your friend is hot shit and being mad about it,
- Capitalism,
- And big sexy!
---
Monika: So apparently the bad vibes I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.
---
Monika, slurring: I can't smell or taste and I have a headcold and a fever. I need a MILF (preferably one with big boobs) to come look after me…
---
Monika: Cute date idea: Go to an aquarium, ask your S/O to point out all the fish they like. Then jump in the tank to fight the fish and win their affection.
---
Monika: drawing is wild. you think you know what things look like, then 5 minutes later you're googling "bird"
---
Monika: paranormal investigator? No, you misheard. I'm a paranormal INSTEGATOR.
Monika: I'm haunting your house and I'm here to start shit.
---
Monika: if I don't keep myself productive and/or entertained 24/7, my brain gets up and starts roaming the halls thirsty for blood.
---
Monika: if you ever feel safe, just remember that I'm out there.
---
Monika: if you're to third wheel me, at least make me stand in front so I can pretend I'm leading an army into battle.
---
Monika: The best love language is being irritating.
Monika: I will annoy you because I love you.
---
Monika: I like thinking about things critically, but I also like not giving a fuck too, so you can imagine the kind of stress I'm under.
---
Monika: let me get this straight *grabs the nearest heterosexual* OK where were we?
---
Monika: I came out to attack people and honestly I'm having such a good time right now!
---
Monika: I don't even sleep anymore, I just die for a couple of hours each day/night.
---
