I Was Lying

                                    

                                          
Isabelle
"Are you ready?" Sterling asked as he came out of the hospital room. His eyes were gentle this time, not an ounce of coldness in them like before.
But, I still won't be letting him off easily.
"I can just have Henry come and get me." I'd rather sit alone in a car with a guard than sit next to Sterling and feel the same. "It's no big deal."
"No." A glimmer of darkness flashed in his eyes, clearly he didn't like my response. "I'll take you home. I need to talk to you."
As much as I'd like to protest, it's been a long night and I'm just ready to be done with it. "Fine."
Sterling and I began to walk down the hall to the elevator. It's just the two of us and I could feel the tension get thicker with each passing second of the heavy silence. It remained for the duration of the elevator ride and all the way until we got into his car.
"I was out of line back there." His voice was soft as he broke the silence between us. "I'm so sorry for the way I treated you, it was uncalled for and I should have been better."
I refused to say anything in response, If I accept his apology there's no guarantee that there will be any change. The matter will end up swept under the rug until we come to it again, but from experience I know his blow up will be even worse.
I stared straight ahead as he pulled out of the parking garage and started driving. The silence had settled back in and I forced myself to zone out so it wouldn't get to me. I knew if I focused on it then I'd begin to cave.
Unfortunately, I had been too zoned out to realize he wasn't taking me home. Instead, he brought me back to his apartment which pissed me off even more.
"I said I was going home." I finally spoke through gritted teeth. "This isn't where I live Sterling."
"I know." He exhaled a low sigh. "But I don't want to take you home when you're upset. I want to go up to the penthouse and fix this."
"What makes you think it can be fixed?" I asked as I looked at him, letting my anger be known by my expression.
This is a big deal, not wanting children is a deal breaker. I've always dreamed of having the family that I never got.
"Because I was lying." He wet his lips as he glanced at me. I could see the remorse in his eyes and I knew he was being truthful. "It's not that I don't want kids. Having children with you would be a dream come true, the thought just fucking terrifies me."
I could feel the walls I put up crumbling down as he made his confession. It proved Scarlett's words were right, he was struggling with something back at the hospital. I just wished he would have let me in before lashing out.
"Please come upstairs." He pleads with me. "We can talk better up there."
"Okay." My expression softened. I was easing up on him, but I wasn't going to let him completely off the hook. "Let's go then."
I opened the door to the car and he followed my lead. He locked it up and we began heading for the elevator that would take us to his penthouse. During the elevator ride, the silence had set back in but this time it wasn't as tense.
The doors dinged and Sterling led the way as he walked over to the penthouse door. He unlocked the door and we went inside. He walked into the kitchen and I watched as he filled a glass with whiskey.
"Would you like a drink?" He asked as he looked up from the glass.
"No." I shook my head. "I'm good for now."
He put the top back on the liquor bottle and took a sip from his glass, setting it back down as he placed his hands on the counter. I noticed he was tense as he battled with himself inside of his head, either he's having second thoughts or he's not sure where to begin.
"Sterling." I called out his name gently as I closed the gap between us. "Talk to me."
"Yeah." He gave a small nod as he let out a heavy breath. "Isabelle, when I originally found out what happened to my mom I didn't know how serious it was. All I knew is that she was in heaven watching over me and I was in an orphanage. When I finally understood what happened, it caused me to gain this fear."
I felt the anger slip away from my body. As he looked up at me, I could see in his eyes that this was hard for him but he continued to come clean.
"I was still young when Scar was born." He continued on. "But with Samuel the moment Scarlett told me Kaydence was in labor, I freaked out. I was struggling in the waiting room and when Scarlett mentioned that it was like I was the one having a baby, my mind automatically went to losing you the same way as I lost my mom."
I could feel the sorrow in my chest as my heart hurt for him. I figured he was on edge about Kaydence, I just didn't know his mind had been tormenting him the entire time.
But it still doesn't justify how he treated me. There were better ways he could have handled it, including letting me in earlier.
"I'm so fucking sorry." His voice cracked as his emotions began to take over. "It wasn't right, you don't deserve that. I love you Isabelle and I want a family with you, I'm just... I'm terrified to lose you."
I walked around the counter so that I was now standing beside him. He watched as I placed my hand on his, then he looked up at me. I could tell he knew he had fucked up and it was killing him.
"I'm going to fix it." He spoke earnestly. "I promise I will."
"How?" I question only because if he doesn't have an actual plan, his promise would be empty and just hurt me more later on.
As he looked away from me I noticed he tensed up again. "My grandfather wants me to see a doctor to make sure I'm not like my aunt. He didn't approve of the way I lashed out, which is fair. I'll go and I'll talk to them about this. I will do whatever it takes to get over this fear I have because I want to give you everything you want. Just promise me you'll let me fix this, that's all I ask."
If it were anyone else, I would walk away and tell them to leave me alone while they figured their shit out. But this is Sterling, he's not just anyone else. I've loved him since I can remember and I know he'll do his best to be true to his words.
I laced my fingers with his. "I promise."
I know in my heart I need to give him this chance. He's got a lot that he's going to have to work through and I need to be there every step of the way.