Chapter 22 Anxious

                                    

                                          
Ian went to the kitchen at 6 am, taking his anxiety meds and eating something before he went back over to his bedroom, getting dressed. When he passed by the downstairs bathroom, he could hear vomiting. Hopefully the other would regret what he said. The farmer left the house, going to feed his animals. After feeding the bigger lifestock he went to the coop, he feed the chicken but he couldn't pretend nothing was happening. He saw down, crying for a while. Their first fight shouldn't had been so serious... Maybe something silly that they would compromise right after. But no, this was big. He didn't know if he could keep seeing Shane if he didn't change. He couldn't be whit someone who would make him feel this bad. He whipped off his tears, it was 10 am alright, he had to move on whit his life. He couldn't solk around all day could he? He got up and went over to Marnie's place, knowing the other wouldn't be there, after all Shane was working right now.
Ian: Hey Marnie could we talk? In private?- he asked has he entered the other's house.
Marnie: Of course dear, what is it?
Ian: Well since Shane and I had a fight I have no choice but to ask you something.- they both went over to the older's bedroom, the woman seating down.
Marnie: What happened darling? Are you alright?
Ian: Shane got drunk last night, very drunk and one thing let to another and- the woman interrupted him.
Marnie: He didn't hit you did he?!
Ian: No! Of course not! He's not a monster.... But we had a fight and I'm really nervous about it.- he said his voice shaking- And over all of this I'm even more anxious cuz of something... Which brings me to what I need to talk about.- he continued before taking a deep breath- Marnie I'm trans and I... I really don't want to be out to the town. Shane is the only one that knows and now you two.
Marnie:Not even Harvey?
Ian: Yeah... Kinda hell getting treatment at the clinic... But I came here to ask you something.
Marnie: Of course. Anything you need.
The younger explained to her how Shane whit all of this mess hadn't done has he has he'd promised. Marnie, was all in whit the help she could give. Felt nice for once to have support. Maybe he should call his sister and tell her. But she was always so busy. He went back to his house, throwing himself on his bed. By now he was to dehydrated to be able to cry. He spent a few hours I'm his bedroom, just sleeping. It felt nice to finally do so. Around midnight he woke up, he was very hungry, wich made sense has he hadn't ate anything else then breakfast. He slowly got up, his head hurt, consequences of his feeling's. He went over to his bedroom door, walking in the dark to not make his headache worse. Then he saw the kitchen light was on and has he got closer he saw the other, realizing that it was to late to come back.
Shane: Hi?...- he asked so anxious he could barely breathe.
Ian: Hi.- he said bluntly, not looking at the other and simply going to one of the cabinets headache medicine.
Shane: I-I'm sorry.- silence followed has the other raided the fridge- I-I shouldn't had drank.
Ian: Shane I don't want to hear it. I really don't want to talk to you right now. I just stopped crying and slept well so don't ruin another night of sleep for me.
Shane: Sorry I didn't know what I was doing.
Ian: Just sorry won't change will it? Shane I love you, I want your best but, if you're gonna burn anything in the way of your self destruction I can't be whit you.
Shane: Ian I- the other interrupted him.
Ian: Don't come in whit your empty promises alright?!- he asked his eyes watering.
Shane: That's not what I was going to do.
Ian: Then what were you gonna do?! Cuz unless you have anything to show, I don't wanna hear it!
Silence followed. Shane had never intended to hurt his love, but he did. Why did he? Was it even worth it? Did the drinks made him feel any better? Not even when he was drunk he was happy. But he was happy whit Ian. He had to do something.
Shane: Goodnight Ian. Sleep well.- he said before hugging the other, Ian hugged him back, for a moment he just thought of being there, hugging him. But then reality came back, he let go of the other. 
Ian: Goodnight.
Shane went upstairs, going to the other bedroom. Laid in bed. He stopped to think. He has fucked up a lot of times before, but this time, he wanted to make it right. He felt bad for making the one that hadn't gave up on him yet, be so anxious. He sighed grabbing his phone, tomorrow he had to woke up earlier then the usual since he had to get into the train to go out of town. He sighed. He was faced whit his mistakes. All of them. And tomorrow even more. So, now what he needed to know is how he would act. Shane has ran away from the problems, he has avoided them, he has been aggressive when faced whit them but now. Now he wanted to do something he never intended on making. He wanted to face them. He wanted to face his problems not just because of Ian's ultimatum. No. But because he wanted to be happy, he wanted to be better. Not just for Jas or Ian, but for himself . He wasn't going to therapy just because tomorrow, he was going because he wanted to do something about his miserable life. Something he hasn't thought of or wanted for has long has he could remember.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote.
Much love!!
-MissevilXD