Pt 5 Stories

                                    

                                          
After we all eat, Chris pulls out a packet of cigarettes and hands them out.
"Want one Andie?" Chris asks. 
"No, I'm ok" I reply. 
"Come on, why not?" Teddy asks. 
"Cause it's gross, how is breathing in smoke fun?" I lie back looking up at the star light twinkling through the foliage.   
"Nothing like a smoke after a meal" Vern says. 
"Yeah, I cherish these moments" Teddy agrees, Chris and Gordie laugh "What? What did I say?" 
"Hey Gordie, why don't you tell us a story?" I say after a long silence.
"Oh, I don't know" He replies. 
"Oh come on" Chris encourages. 
"Yeah come on Gordo, but not one of your horror stories okay? I don't want to hear no horror stories, I'm not up for that man" Vern says.
"But his horror stories are the best!" I argue.
"But I'll get nightmares!" Vern replies.  
"Why don't you tell us one about Sargent steel and his battling leathernecks" Teddy suggests. 
"You're obsessed" I say.
"Well the one I've been thinking about's kinda different" Gordie begins "it's about this pie eating contest, the main guy in the story's this fat kid, that nobody likes, named Davey Hogan" 
"Like Charlie Hogan's brother, if he had one" Vern interrupted. 
"Good Vern, Go on Gordie" Chris says. 
"Well this kid, he's our age but he's fat, real fat, he weighs close to one eighty, but you know it's not his fault it's his glands" Gordie continues. 
"Oh yeah my cousin's like that sincerely, she weighs over three hundred pounds, supposed to be a hyboid gland or something, I don't know about any hyboid gland, but what a blimp" Vern once again interrupts "No shit, she looks like a thanksgiving turkey and you know this one time" 
"Shut up Vern" Chris says.
"Yeah, yeah right go on Gordie it's a swell story" Vern finally shuts up.
"Well all the kids, instead of calling him Davey they call him Lardass, Lardass hogan, even his little brother and sister call him Lardass and at school they put this sticker on his back that says 'wide load' and they rank him out and beat him up whenever they get a chance, but one day he got an idea, the greatest revenge idea a kid ever had" Gordie begins to tell his story.
The story ended with everyone barfing on each other, the others laughed and clapped their hands. 
"That was the best, just the best" Chris says. 
"Then what happened?" Teddy asks. 
"What do you mean?" Gordie replies. 
"I mean what happened?" Teddy says.  
"What do you mean what happened? That's the end" Gordie says.
"How can that be the end? What kind of an ending is that? What happened to Lardass?" Teddy complains.
"I don't know, maybe he went home and celebrated with a couple of cheese burgers" Gordie says. 
"Hey Gordie I love the story, but I think he should go to walk out of the place, and slip on someone's vomit and smash his head and die" I say. 
"Gee that ending sucks" Teddy says "Why don't you make it so that, so that Lardass goes home, he shoots his father and then he runs away and he joins the Texas rangers how bout that?"