Barista 39

                                    

                                          
KANG TAEHYUN

“How was that guy you were talking about before?”
Dr. Kelly asked with a smile while looking at the folder and she’s writing something. “Can you tell me more about him?” she asked and looked at me.
“It’s been over a year since I last saw him…”
“Do you miss him?”
“I think so?”
“Does it make you feel lonely?”
I slowly shook my head. “No,” I smiled. “Actually, thinking about him makes me calm,” I replied.
“Really? What was the best thing he did for you?” she asked again with a hint of interest in her voice.
I started fidgeting my fingers and bite my lips. “He introduced me the word ‘happiness’ again,” I answered.
“Wow,” she reacted. “He must really love you then?”
“That’s what he said,” I replied and chuckles in shyness.
“Taehyun,” she called me. “What do you feel when you’re with him?”
“Healing, home, happiness.”
I started my medication here in US with Dr. Park’s cousin. She said she couldn’t handle me anymore and it’s better for me to be outside of my comfort zone because it will help me more to forget things.
Through constant consultation and medications as well as participating to all mental health activities, I manage to feel lighter and cleaner inside me.
I’m getting healed.
That night when Hueningkai visited me during holidays was actually him, trying to have my forgiveness. He keeps on coming back to say sorry to me and I keep on pushing him away because he’s keeping me trembling but he won’t.
He said he’s guilty, he said he’s sorry and I said I already forgive him but I don’t think he believe in me. This is how our conversation goes…
It was holiday season, Yeonjun wasn’t in the country and Beomgyu is probably with Aera. I feel so left out that night but I don’t want to disturb everyone.
I just visited my family but they are all busy so I just went back to my house and decided to drink alone. Out of a sudden I just cried because of feeling that I’m alone.
“You’re not alone Taehyun. This is just temporary. It’s okay, It’s okay. Calm down. You’re fine. Y-you’re fine. Please stop thinking you a-aren’t. P-please,” I convinced myself but it didn’t work.
In the middle of my crying, my door bells and when I open it, I saw Kai standing in there, looking at me. I suddenly felt shivers, I was so nervous.
Why of all times, he’s going to appear at this moment? Why of all times that I need someone to be with me, it’s him who’s with me?
“T-Taehyun,” he called me.
“What are you doing here? Get out of my sight,” I pushed him away but he held my wrist.
I automatically panicked when my system felt his touch. Flashbacks started kicking in. I started crying and shake in fear. “L-let go of me, please,” I pleaded.
“S-sorry,” he apologized and then I felt him loosen his grip. “I’m just here to say sorry, Tyun.”
“A-about what? We’re done. If you’re sorry then fine. You can go now,” I shooed him and turned my back.