Chapter 21: Leaving Ken

                                    

                                          
Beta read by Shigiya, Fluffy Slayer and DOOMRAIDER.
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-Ken-
Did anyone ever consider what life was like for a Heroic Spirits? Well, if Archer ever got summoned in the future by a master asking him such a question, he would reply by stating that they weren't that different to begin with.
Each Heroic Spirits had their own differences. 
Some of them enjoyed a good meal and sleep despite not needing it. For him, well, if by now it wasn't obvious, then cooking would be the answer.
Others enjoyed working mundane jobs as it reminded them of the good old times.
A few of the Servants he met in the past enjoyed spending their time playing around with modern inventions, like driving cars and driving bikes for hours.
And just like any other individual, each Servant had things they hated. Some despised the act of cowardliness, betrayal, lying, and so on. There were even some Servants who despised fighting, ironic considering they were summoned for the sole reason of being used as a tool for war.
Archer had some as well.
Aside from his weaknesses which he disliked, like a certain gold archer and a spear wielding blue lancer. Or even having to deal with a certain stubborn redhead teenage boy.
He hated chaos, messy rooms, people lacking a sense of hygiene, and one that he would prefer to avoid if unnecessary—torture.
He didn't share the same passion as Wu Zetian or Camilla. Granted, the latter drank and bathed with young virgin girls' blood to remain young, but that did not mean that she did not enjoy the process. The sight of blood and the sound of people crying in pain brought him no sense of joy at all. In fact, it was quite the opposite. It felt like a joke when he considered that his record for such actions might even be more impressive than most Servants he'd battled in the past.
He remembered cutting off the fingers of the first guy he maimed in order to reveal the location of some kidnapped hostages. Archer could still recall how he pushed his mental fortitude that day as he cut off the criminal's digits, after he had broken them. Even after saving the innocent civilians that day, the bowman had vomited his guts out that night, crying and screaming at himself. 
He was still the foolish Shirou Emiya back then. 
After becoming a Counter Guardian and after being deployed in missions that required a more subtle approach, he re-used the same tactics countless times and becoming desensitized by it the more he used such methods. 
Schick!
"Aaaargh!"
But he still didn’t like it.
The splash of blood hitting his face didn't even make him flinch. The cries of the Count Henry Blueborn, screaming and calling for help did not waver him in the slightest in completing his task. He grew so used to ignoring his dissatisfaction at his acts that Archer managed to create a blank headspace for such times. 
He wondered… how would Rin react if she had seen the horrible things he had done and is still doing? Horror? Fear? Disgust? Regret? 
Probably all of them. 
The girl who tried to save him would question herself if she even managed to change anything within him. Well, not that she'll ever know about it, and even if she did, it would most likely end up being a different Rin altogether.