Chapter 17

                                    

                                          
Francisca's POV 
After a few minutes with us just hugging and crying we hesitantly leave the comfortable embrace we were in. 
As I take a step back to look up at my dad, his hands cup my cheeks and he just scans my face with tears in his eyes and a small, sad smile. 
I smile back "hi" I say with my voice cracking and with wiping my tears from my face. 
Dad chuckles "hi" he also says. 
I smile at him and then he gestures for us to sit down. 
I go to sit down on the couch I was sitting in before when Dad goes to sit down on the opposite one. However, he stops me and holds my hands gently and makes me sit next to him, and he pulls me closer to him so that my head is on his chest again, so it remains there. I feel him kiss my head and sigh. 
I close my eyes just wanting to stay in this moment. Just in my dad's arms before we discuss what needs to be discussed. Just to have no worries for a little bit. Unfortunately, that only lasts a couple of minutes and then dad pulls away and looks me in the eye and sighs again.
"Francisca how- how have you been? How has your life been?" He asks. 
I kind of expected to go straight into the questions about why I kept me being in New York a secret but this fine too. More than fine. 
"It's been good dad I- I missed you so much" I say and I wrap my arms around him tightly.
I hear him sigh again. "I missed you too" he says "so much". 
We pull away and the he continues with his questions "where have you been all this time? We tried looking for you, but it was like you and your mother just disappeared from the face of the earth and I-" he stops talking and shakes his head. 
I reach forward and put my hands of his. 
"I'm so sorry dad, I didn't want any of this to happen" I say holding back my sobs because I feel like crying some more right now. "We were in Virginia, arkville" I continue.
My dad looks at me and he looks pained "just a few hours away" he whispers but I hear him. 
"I'm gonna tell you everything dad, I'm gonna explain everything" I say with a small wobbly smile on my face. 
And then I explain everything that happened, I explain what I remember from the night we left. I explain why I couldn't reach out— didn't reach out. I explain Matt, I explain how Mom died, I explain why we moved here, I explain the whole situation with Dan and asked dad to not be mad at him. I explain....I explain why I never said anything about me being back, why I didn't come see them when I knew exactly where they were. My dad listens the whole time. 
After I finish and go over everything, my dad is quite. His hands are on his lap. He looks ahead like he's thinking.
"Your mother is dead" it's not a question it's a statement but I nod in conformation anyways. 
"And this Matt person, he treats you well?" He asks. I nod again. 
"He was the reason you didn't want to come back to us" he whispers again shaking his head and laughing mockingly.
I squeeze his arm. " I love Matt, he is like a father to me" my dad tenses but I continue " I just...I didn't— I don't want to lose him" I pause and take a deep breath "I was always gonna reach out and tell you that I'm back, I missed you so much, missed all of you so so much but I needed time, I needed to make some kind of plan. I didn't want to hurt Matt especially that he believed all the things mom used to say about what happened, and I didn't want to hurt you either. I was just in a really really shitting situation and I just.." I pause. I feel like I'm saying all the wrong things. "I'm a coward, dad" I finally say.