"I..." I felt stupid, like I had before the first time we had sex, these annoying thoughts making me shy and nervous.
"Hey, it's okay. We don't have to..." I hadn't realised I was breathing so fast until Nick sat up, pulling me into his arms and holding me tight.
"N-no, I want to, Nick, I really do." God, I was actually crying now. What's wrong with me? 
"Can you tell me what's wrong, baby?"
"I don't even know, honestly. I'm just scared. Which is so dumb, I know, but I can't help it." I buried my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his comforting scent.
"It's okay. It's been a tough few weeks, your brain is still healing. Why don't we just take it slow and when it feels right, we can try again?" Nick's words only made me feel worse because he was being so nice about it all. 
"Can we?" I asked quietly, not looking at him. "I want to, I promise, I just need to let my brain fix itself."
"Charlie, look at me." I made myself look up then, seeing the softness in his eyes. "We can wait as long as you need. I need you better more than I need this, okay?"
"Okay." 
Nick held me close, arms tight around me as he pressed gentle kisses to my forehead over and over. Slowly my breathing steadied again and my tears dried up. I felt exhausted emotionally and eventually fell asleep in Nick's arms, feeling safe and loved.
When I woke up again, I was alone in the bed, blankets tucked in around me and a beam of soft afternoon light hitting the pillow beside my head. As I became more aware, I realised Nick wasn't in the room. I sat up, rubbing at my eyes to clear the blurriness of sleep from them. Just as I was about to get up and search for him, the door opened and Nick appeared.
"Hey, you're awake."
"How long did I sleep?" I asked, smiling when he came to sit by me.
"About two hours. Are you feeling better?" He picked up one of my hands, holding it between both of his.
"Yeah. Thank you for being so understanding."
"Of course. I love you, Charlie." I smiled and leaned in to kiss him softly, just a quick peck.
"I love you too." I bit the inside of my cheek for a moment before speaking again. "You know, I've been thinking, maybe Manchester isn't the best idea for me."
"What do you mean?" He frowned at me, concern evident in his eyes.
"We know that my mental health is fragile as it is while I'm living at home. I can only imagine what might happen if I'm living on my own, hours away from you and my family." I explained. It was something I'd discussed at length with the psychiatrist at the hospital. I still really wanted to go to Uni, have a normal experience but I didn't feel safe going on my own.
"Oh. So you want to stay here then?"
"Um, actually, no. I want to be with you." I could see the confusion on his face and smiled, gently laying my free hand against his cheek, "I want to go to University of Leeds. You're my safe place, Nick. You're the one who helped me get through the last few weeks. I know that if I'm near you, I'll be okay."
"Oh..." A smile flickered on his lips as what I'd said sunk in, "Really? What about your sister? Or your parents?"
"They're important to me too, but you're the one who talked me down from my panic attack. You're the one I want to talk to when things feel like shit. And I'll be able to do that better if we live closer again."
"Charlie, I..." He trailed off, clearly at a loss for words. Instead of speaking, he decided to press our lips together, hard but soft at the same time, every part of me feeling the love he was giving me. "I can't tell you what it means to hear you say that."
"I mean it, Nick. You're so important to me. I want to be with you, and not just because you help me feel better, but because you complete me." A part of me cringed at how sappy my words were but they were true. Nick really is my other half. "I love you, Nicholas Nelson."
"I love you so fucking much, Charlie Spring." He replied, pulling me into an impossibly tight hug. I felt myself melt into him a little and a weight lifted from my chest. This was possibly the most vulnerable conversation we'd ever had and I loved how I felt now, like I could take on anything, with him by my side.
"Nick..." I spoke after a while, making him pull back to look at me, eyebrow raised in a silent question, "I think I'm ready."
"Ready?"
I didn't answer with words, instead slipping my hand down to the waistband of his jeans, popping the button and reaching inside. His little gasp of air told me he'd caught up to my train of thought and moments later, we were both naked, him on top of me as we moved slowly and carefully. Breathing heavily, I arched my back a little, feeling him deeper inside me. I couldn't help the moans that fell from my lips, some sounding a little like his name but mostly just incoherent sounds, telling him just how I was feeling. It was an amazing feeling, like the first time, just feeling completely loved and safe, the kindest, most loving and caring guy in the entire world hovering over me, protecting me from the harsh real world.