C. 04

                                    

                                          
I arrived at the Gianicolo more than half an hour early: I chose this place because I always thought it had something romantic and it is also the place where I gave my first kiss, many years ago, to a classmate of mine in seventh grade. We had come this far with bicycles and I was so embarrassed and awkward for the happiness of being here with him that I could not put the kickstand of the bike: I was about to fall and make a ruinous figure, but he held me by an elbow and then we kissed. He was my little romantic hero, who will always remain my first kiss and then he will always be remembered as a fairy tale, even if then Riccardo turned out to be the usual fool of that age, moreover male, and our "engagement" lasted only the time of two more kisses.
All this time in advance has allowed me to think about a lot of useless things like this and also a lot of things about Maya, which I would like to try to say, but which I'm afraid will get stuck in when I have her in front of me. At 23.05 Maya finally arrives, when by now inside me the idea that she had abandoned me again was making its way. 
M < hello..> she tells me when she is a few steps from me, that I am sitting on the wall. She looks at me standing, clutching herself in her leather jacket: there is a bit of a breeze, but it is still quite good as a temperature. 
C < hello..> we remain silent to observe each other for a few moments, but almost immediately Maya looks away from my eyes.
M < I'm sorry I'm late... business dinners sometimes go a bit for the long and I also had to take home Andrea ..> 
C < the other night I had not understood that Andrea was a girl..> I comment. Maya looks at me uncertain and I immediately understand what she is thinking. < no, I do not say it out of pathological jealousy, I say it because I made a shitty figure when I came to you, because I kept asking for an Andrea without understanding that she was already here in front of me ..> her shoulders seem to barely relax.
M < in fact she made me the third degree ... >she says vague. I start talking and expect her to sit down, while she stays upright.
C < by the way I'm sorry if you experienced it as an intrusion of your spaces ..I thought about it after the fact that it actually is ... it's just that when I read your message yesterday morning I became so much angry that I didn't understand anything anymore ..> 
M < what is it that made you so much angry?> she asks: she shrugs and she takes her hands in her pockets; it is certainly not the definition of relax. 
C < I thought the date had gone well ..> I only say and Maya at that point sighs and leans with her butt on the wall, however far from me. 
M < It had gone well. That's the problem..> 
C < why is it a problem?> she looks at me in passing and shakes her head. 
M < if I wrote that message is because really I don't wanna talk about it...> I nod. 
C < but you're here...>
M < you didn't give me much options...> she smiles a little. 
C < why did you think that you cannot talk about that with me?> she shrugs. < Maya, I'm not stupid! I think that I'm clever enough, and sensitive, and emphatic, and really capable of talking about these kind of stuff...and I'm a doctor!>
M < how you be a doctor, an OB/GYN specifically, can be helpful for me?> I snort.
C < I don't know!> and now, I'm a little confused. We stay in silence for a while, but then it's Maya who breaks the silence and speaks, even if she has her eyes on the floor. 
M < the truth is that I don't talk about it. Never. I'm not used to...> 
C < but you said you had a bunch of dates,,,> she sighs in distress and I have an idea. < wait, we can do something..>