Chapter 31

                                    

                                          
Harry's POV:
My phone rings once again, and the screen lights up with Simon's name. 
"Again, Simon? Did you miss me too much?"
"Put the attitude away, Styles. Your stunt with Kendall is cancelled. Something... came up. We'll tell you the details later if necessary. You'll just go with the others to your hotel."
"Alright-"
The line cuts off.
What the fuck was that all about? Maybe Kendall just had some reality show or something that she couldn't miss. Its certainly like her to make bookings last minute.
Kendall and I get on real well. Obviously we've spent a bit of time together over the last couple months, and she knows I'm in love with Lou, she's just got a new boyfriend, but that's under wraps for now.
Me and Lou learned pretty quick that if we aren't friends with our stunts, its a pain in the ass. Louis certainly made a good impression on Ele-whore, and they get on just great. Which I'm definitely not bitter about. Never in a million years. Nope. Nuh-uh. Definitely not bitter.
Fine. Maybe a tiny bit bitter.
I just never thought there'd be someone who made him happy the way I do. Sure, he's got Zayn and Liam and Niall, but they're different. They make him happy, but I make him happy. And I wish I was the only one who did. But he's got stan, and el, and briana.
It used to feel like it was us, just us, against the world. Now it feels like its just me against the world.
And the world is winning.
The cruel world is beating me down, further and further into the depths of a place I've already been to, and would be glad to never go to again. A place of sadness and pain and hurt, a place that the scars on my wrists tell stories of; they tell stories of a time when I felt so alone, when nobody, not even my then-boyfriend, Josh, or my first girlfriend, Felicity, could help. When my mum couldn't help. When Gems couldn't help. When nothing and nobody helped except the blade.
The last time I was truly alone, 
Before him.
He changed it all, he changed me. He made me really, truly happy for the first time in almost a year. And then that happiness stayed, all through the X-Factor, all through Up All Night. Right up until we were ready to come out.
And then Simon stopped us, and Eleanor showed up, but we were still happy. At least, when we were behind closed doors, just me and him and sometimes the boys, we were happy.
But Simon came between us, then modest, then El, Taylor and Nadine and Nicole and Emily and Caroline. All fake relationships. All of them, all LIES.  And I don't know how I'll ever be happy if the main reason for my happiness isn't all mine anymore. The last time I had a real relationship with a girl was Felicity, and that was back in high school. Not long after I broke up with Josh.
I've had two boyfriends, one was just a high school relationship. Barely lasted a couple months.
One was the love of my life.
And I don't know how to be happy without him.
I don't want to go back to that place.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
allo!
um so
a lot happened, and I usually update every day but I finally worked up the courage to tell my best (and only real) friend 1 that i was SA'd 2 about my SH and 3 about the girl I'm in love with... :)
it was a very chaotic, loving two days of us hanging out before school tomorrow
i honestly couldn't wish for a better best friend, because she's the only one who really seems to care about me (other than my online friends, but all of them live in other countries)
all of the support gave me motivation once i got home from her place. I finished a maths assignment thats 10% of our term grade, prepped for a speech I have to give on slavery at school tomorrow thats 15% of our SEMESTER grade, AND wrote this 600-word chapter, all in under four hours.
im honestly very impressed with myself.
all the love
~perzon