Ch. 40 - Grant Me Peace of Mind

                                    

                                          
By the time we returned to the wall, the moon was high in the sky. For the entire ride, I stayed close to Erwin's side and kept a close eye on him. The amount of blood he lost was worrying at best and downright terrifying at worst, and how he was able to stay upright in the saddle, much less keep watch for Titans, was beyond me. 
I was incredibly, terribly aware of Jeremy's weight against me, despite his best efforts to sit up on his own - but the swaying of Erwin in his own saddle was far scarier than that. It was scary for him to be so weak.
But as far as our luck went, it seemed we hit one of our rare streaks of good fortune - we hadn't seen hide nor hair of a single Titan, intelligent or otherwise, since we left Reiner to be swarmed by them. With Eren and Christa - Historia, dammit - safely with us, there was nothing keeping us from heading right to the nearest district, which was where we departed from and where the rest of our forces were waiting for our return.
Through the gate we passed, and to the district branch office we went. Upon entering the base's courtyard, now that we were hidden away from the public eye, we all seemed to... relax. Instead of sitting straight up in the saddles, for proud heroes we were today, we slumped over slightly, let our shoulders roll forward, let our heads hang.
It was as though we all sighed out a collective breath of relief, because for now... we could rest, we could relax, we could allow ourselves at long last to feel the effects of the day. Fatigue, pain, frustration, relief... It hit us all at once, and hard. Now that we were out of the public eye, we allowed ourselves to feel all of it, and goodness, did we feel it.
All at once, I felt it, and I could so acutely feel the weight settle on my shoulders of my exhaustion, and now that I was not focused on retrieving the kids, fighting the Intelligent Titans, keeping myself alive, returning safely, and everything between, I could feel the distinct fiery sensation of my burnt arms and the soreness of my limbs and, slower yet still painful feel of my arms and legs beginning to protest each and every single movement. Hell, even the gentle rocking of my body with Strider's movements began to hurt.
Honestly, even with the pain and discomfort and fatigue, I wished we were going home. Our base, with all of our forces reunited once more... that's where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with everyone, in my office, not here in the branch office or in the abandoned base. I just wanted to go home.
But, for now at least... this was home. I would have to make it work.
Still, for as tired as I was, there was still more work to be done, as always. When Erwin came to a stop in the center of the courtyard, so did I. Before he could go further, I told Jeremy to stay put and so he let go of me. When I was sure he wouldn't fall out of the saddle, I slid off Strider's back and was by Erwin's side within a moment.
"Alright, Erwin," I said, setting a hand on his horse's flank and looking up at him. "I'm here, so just take it..." I cut myself off when he started to sway. "I need some help over here!" I caught him as best I could, and was able to take him into my arms and keep him from falling, and only when several more sets of arms were around him did I start issuing everyone the orders to lift him gently from the horse.
Panicked words reached my ears, and I hushed them all. "He's alive," I said surely, my fingers pressed to his neck and finding a pulse - weak yet distinct. "He's alive, don't worry. We just need to get him some proper medical care. You four, carry him to the medical wing."
When they went, I thanked them, and then turned to address Strider. "Thanks for staying put," I said to him, taking hold of his reins. He nudged my cheek with his head and I smiled. "You did good work today."
A chilled wind blew through, and I nearly shivered. Goodness, it was a cold night. Or was it just because I was so tired? I don't know. It might be both.