Back then, she has blonde highlights, bronze skin from her time in St Tropez and a thick French accent. I guess that was when we would've looked the most alike. 
Somewhere between her divorce from my dad and her job at Dior, everything changed. 
I took my pen and started writing. Without really thinking, I had a high pitch tune humming in my head, all I needed was lyrics. 
"We gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room, and if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes to. Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe
all the hell you gave me?" 
I was trying to think of how hurt we both were, how hurt my mother must be to do this to me. I tried to see this from her point of view, how this had panned out in her mind. 
"'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you Til my dying day..." 
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And you're the hero flying around, saving face
And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
So much of my mothers life was about how she was viewed by others, saving face and controlling everything and everyone. I guess that was how we had got ourselves here. 

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean
Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring
You know I didn't want to have to haunt you
But what a ghostly scene
You wear the same jewels that I gave you
As you bury me
I thought back to the last time I saw her, the anger we both felt. Something that I always thought about was the ring she was wearing, my ring. I told her she hated me that day, I wondered if I was wrong about that. 
The day I gave her that ring, she cried. I had never seen her cry before but she cried and hugged me, she was so happy. 

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave
And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
And I can go anywhere I want
Anywhere I want, just not home
And you can aim for my heart, go for blood
But you would still miss me in your bones
And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)
And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)
After everything, I would always be hurt. I would never get the apartment back and it would hurt forever. She knew it would hurt me and I would never understand truly why she did it. 
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves
You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
You turned into your worst fears

"And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain, crossing out the good years...and you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed..look at how my tears ricochet..." 
As I breathed out the last words, a single tear dropped from my eye onto the page. It smudged a few words but I was finally done. 
My heart hurt for my mother because at the end of the day, we were both hurt by the same man. We were just trying to understand and figure out life after him. 






Juliet 
"Yes Lisa, come in!" I kept my eyes glued on my computer, scanning the articles in front of me. 
The door quietly creaked open and Lisa Marie was now standing a few inches from my desk. She held a stack of paper and envelopes. 
"Hi Miss Laurant, I have some letters and a fax for you. I have also just forwarded you a few links, they're images of...your daughter." 
My eyes shot up quickly before changing my screen over to my emails, opening the most recent one. 
"Paris still?" I asked, scanning the blurred images of Sydney May walking through the streets of Paris with a boy. He had a cap and hoodie on, keeping fairly unrecognised. 
"Yes, she's still there. These were some pictures taken by fans of the man, he's called Timothee Chalamet. They were seen a few times this week until he made his way back to New York." 
"Did she come with him?" I quickly asked. 
"No, she's still there. Same routine, all the same blurred images. She does well at keeping hidden." Lisa explained. 
"Mhm." 
There was a silence before she said, "I'm sorry if this crosses the professional line Miss Laurent but if I may...you should contact your mother again to see if she knows anything. Keep trying to reach her, I'm sure Sydney would want to see you. She would want to know you care." 
I laughed at the idea, "Lisa thank you, but my daughter never wants to see me again. She hates me and has a right to. I betrayed her and made our relationship like this. I won't ever see her again...I...I just want to know she safe." 
"Okay Miss Laurant." 
"That'll be all Lisa, thank you." I quietly said, still staring at all the images of Sydney. 
Once Lisa was out of the room, I allowed one tear to fall from my eyes onto my hand. It splashed onto my ring, my beautiful ring from Sydney. I slipped it off, reading the engraving. 
"Toi et moi pour toujours" 
"You and me, forever." 










can't say i didn't cry 
whilst writing this


just some visuals for you all, 
syd parents= angelina and brad 



                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          





young juliet