Chapter 46

                                    

                                          
At first, the days went by slowly. It was hard not being near Pollux anymore. Sleeping alone was a challenge.
But then the days got easier. Carson helped Annie set up her house for the baby. They contacted several doctors, and a few friends of hers in the District offered to stay. Helping her prepare was not the easiest. Knowing Finnick would never meet his child was a hard concept to grasp, but she knew he would be proud of Annie. She never let his death stop her. She kept going.
Carson spent two months with Annie before taking the train to District 10. It wasn't easy. The journey was challenging. Returning home broke her heart. It saddened her. Carson was entirely alone. She didn't have anyone anymore. 
District 10 was exactly the same as she remembered. Some parts were destroyed in the war, but most was still intact. The Victors' Village was empty. All of the other Victors were now dead. It was just her in a home that no longer felt like home. Without Charlie, nothing felt the same.
She spent the first few days readjusting to reality, pushing through the pain of the past. Carson kept the door to her sister's room closed. It was easier that way. The memories haunted her every night. She woke up screaming and crying. Pollux wasn't there to comfort anymore. He was with Cressida, somewhere unknown. 
But she knew he was happy doing what he loved. That's enough for her. It has to be.
After a few months alone, things become easier. She found her place in the District. Rebuilding had begun. Crops were beginning to grow. There would soon be enough to supply the District, making them less dependent on others. Animals were sent to other Districts that needed them. 
The days were never repetitive. Carson always found herself doing different things. Doing whatever needed to be done.
Eventually, months went by. The nightmares still occurred, but they were less frequent now. Carson had learned to deal with them on her own. She would drink tea and sit by the fire while reading a book that once belonged to Charlie. For a while, she avoided Charlie's room. Then one day, she didn't. She went inside, sat on her bed, cried until the room became dark, and finally allowed herself to let go. Forgetting Charlie would not be possible, but it was time to move forward. It's what she would have wanted.
After that, things changed. The ache in her heart was gone. She didn't cry when she thought of Finnick or Carson. She no longer felt the same sadness. 
Updates about the country came from the TV, which displayed videos from all the Districts. She wondered how much came from Cressida and Pollux. After leaving the Capitol, she never heard from him. For a while, she waited for him, but he never came. He never wrote either, but that was okay. Carson still wore her Mockingjay pin every day. It reminded her of him and the love they shared for each other.
The rest of the updates came from Annie, who wrote frequent letters. She heard that Peeta had joined Katniss in District 12. Carson sent them a few letters. Peeta always wrote back. 
Annie had her baby, a boy. Carson was happy for her. She took the train twice to see her. 
It was nearing a year since Snow's execution and Coin's death. Carson was an entirely different person. It wasn't easy. Although she wasn't healed, she was doing better.
Carson ventured through the District early in the morning, picking up fresh bread and vegetables for dinner. People smiled at her as she passed. She always smiled back. Before, people used to be scared of her. That wasn't the case anymore.
After getting what she needed, Carson returned home. Nobody joined her in the empty houses in the Victors' Village, not that she blamed them. She stayed because she enjoyed being alone. It made her feel safe.