44º Chapter

                                    

                                          
Everything was a little blurry after talking with Eric on the phone. He was so understanding about my decision and told me that I would always have the door open if I ever wanted to come back.
I've been woken up by loud bangs on my door, and there is only one person that I know that can be up this early and already being so fucking loud.
Everything hurts. My body, my head and especially my heart and when I saw Jared standing on my door that was all my heart could take before the pain became too much and started to come out in the form of tears.
"Hey, hey, hey..." — He could have been with his arms full of stuff that I knew that he would have let go of everything to wrap his arms around my body. — "Everything is going to be ok, Claire. I'm here ok? You can let go now, let it all out." — He was hugging me so tight that I finally started to actually let it all out. I had so much pain inside of me that I felt my knees give in.
"I can't... I can't do this again, Jar!" — I was a mess, my voice was a mess of tears and sobs and I don't know how Jared could ever understand what I was saying. But he did and while grabbing me tight against him and sitting ourselves on the couch he was still whispering in my ear.
"You can, and you will do this, Doll..." — He was giving small pets on my hair, combing it a little while I just wetted his white shirt with my tears, but I know that he doesn't mind, he never did.
"Why? Why me? I can't do this anymore, I'm tired of always being the one that ended up getting hurt. I'm done with love, I'm done with Jensen, and I'm done with Vancouver." — The only thing I wanted to do right now was crawl into my bed and let myself cry to sleep. I knew that my body can't take me that far, the broken feeling I have in my heart is spreading, and it hurts... — "What can I do when the only person that could make me stop crying is the one that put me in this position in the first place, Jar? I feel broken, I feel... I feel numb." — I felt his hands grabbing each side of my face, covering both of my wet cheeks and cleaning the most recent tears with his thumbs.
"I know it hurts, trust me... Some people are going to leave, but that's not the end of your story. That's the end of their part in your story. It hurts like a bitch... I know that and whatever you decide to do, I will always support you, Claire. If you want to move away from Vancouver, as much as I will miss you like I will miss a kidney, I even take you to the airport if that's what you want. If you want to drown yourself in tears and chocolate ice cream, I'll go to the store, buy it and bring two spoons. You are my best friend, Claire, and I will be right next to you whatever your decision is." — He hugged me so tight that I don't know if I can't breathe properly because of the tears or because of the force he is using in the hug.
"How am I going to tell Gen? She already had to deal with this once and this time it's so much worse... I can't tell her." — He let out a low chuckle out of his mouth before he could really stop it, and I got it. I would be doing the same if I was nervous, and I know that he is indeed as nervous as I am.
"Call her ok? She has something to tell you too, and maybe it comes at the right time... It will give you something else to focus on." — He grabbed his own phone from his jeans pocket, maybe because he didn't want to go look for my phone and leave me alone.
I swear that I've heard the phone ring at least 30 times before actually hearing Gen pick up the phone, she was breathing hard and deep. I could hear in the way she was breathing that she was worried, probably about me.
"I'm sorry..." — Was the only thing that came out of my lips. I was so mean to her last night, I actually yelled at her, and she didn't have any fault in the matter. I feel like I'm the worst person in the world, remembering how I've been treating everyone around me for the past few weeks.
"Don't, Claire. I'm not mad at you... I knew the truth all along, and I couldn't tell you, and I hope you understand why I didn't. You're my sister and I love you with all my heart. I couldn't even think about telling you and hearing you cry all night over the phone and not being there to hold you." — I could hear her cry into the phone, probably feeling bad herself for not being able to tell me, but I get why she didn't.
"It's ok, Gen... I'm just sorry for being a shitty friend these past days and weeks, I've been nothing but a pain in the ass to everyone, and neither of you deserved it." — I took a deep breath, really trying to get my breathing and my tears under control the best I could. — "Jar said you have something to tell me..." — I heard her let out a small and sad laugh at my words, and for a moment I thought that more bad news was coming my way.
"God has a really strange way of doing things, you know? I know that this might be bittersweet for you because of all the things that are happening, and before you kill Jared... I found out the second I got to Austin, but with all the things that happened after that, I couldn't bring myself to tell you, not when I knew your world would crumble on your feet sooner or later." — I took my eyes away from the black screen of the TV in front of the couch just so I could look at Jared, but I never thought that I would see those green eyes get glassy.
"You're scaring the shit out of me, Gen... what's wrong?" — I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Five minutes ago, I thought that the pain could not be getting any worse, but now? Thinking that maybe something is really wrong with Gen is making me lose all the hope in a better world.
"First... I already know that you sent your resignation letter last night, Eric talked to Jared this morning, so I have to ask you a favor, Claire... I need you to come home, ok? Come stay with me for a couple of months, nine to be precise." — I felt like my brain went into a shut-down mood. It took me at least twenty seconds to understand what she was trying to tell me, but when it finally hit me, I couldn't suppress the smile that started to show on my face.
"Ok... I'll be there tonight. I'll be there with you for as long as you want me there, Gen!" — I think that was the only reason why my knees finally got their strength back because I was on my feet before I could even register what I was doing. Gen needed me there, and I will be there.
Perhaps I'm the one that needed her, but Gen being pregnant is something that I want to witness every step of the way, Jared was right... maybe this is what I needed after all.