Chapter 29

                                    

                                          

Hyunjin's body seized before he pulled away sharply.
'Uh, okay, sorry', he chuckled humorously as he looked at anywhere but Felix, removing his length from where it was buried in the scorching heat and swallowing a lump that grew in his throat.
'Huh? Wait, I didn't-', Felix started saying but Hyunjin was already putting as much distance as possible between them and getting up from the bed with trembling legs.
'Please, don't.', Hyunjin chuckled again as he shook his head, mouth twitching before he bit the inside of his lower lip, hard enough to draw the slightest bit of blood.
How stupid of him to think that Felix wanted to be close the way Hyunjin did.
How stupid of him to think that any of what happened mattered to Felix.
Then why.
He exhaled shakily.
Why the fuck had he cried.
'Hyunjin', Felix said his name with something between a demand and desperation and the red-haired helplessly froze on his feet but refused to turn around again.
'Forget about it, Felix', the taller said between gritted teeth, 'Just- forget about it all, it's just too early and I acted weird 'cus I was half-asleep', Hyunjin tightened his lips at the lie and focused on the slight sting he could feel on the skin of his shoulder-blades, from where Felix's nails had dug earlier in pleasure. The man wished that it would disappear as well as prayed for it to stay there forever.
The sting, as a reminder that what they had shared was not a fragment of his imagination.
He let out a bitter laugh.
How things could change in the span of a minute.
'O-h, is that so?', he heard Felix saying weakly and an embarrassing part in his heart grew, expanding by the edges just an inch more with hope, at the deflated tone behind the blonde's words.
Hyunjin turned his head back against his will and his eyes met Felix's wide ones, saw the haze behind them and a type of sadness he couldn't understand. He watched Felix with his own eyes screaming in desperation, in hopes that begged to be fulfilled.
He watched Felix and wished he could see from afar whether their gazes were similar to each other.
Whether they tried to say the same without emitting a word.
Felix's Adam's Apple bobbed as the man lifted his knees to his chest and when the eye-contact became too much, too suffocating, Hyunjin turned away swiftly, at the same time as Felix did.
'I'll wash up, we should go downstairs to have breakfast with the rest', he muttered and the other man only made a small sound of confirmation, and with a quiet sigh, Hyunjin walked in the bathroom.
****************************
On the way down, the two didn't share a word, the silence between them gripping the taller's throat as Hyunjin looked intently at the wall on the right side of the lift while Felix stared at the left. They only shared a hesitant glance before joining the loud group gathered around one of the tables, sitting on the free chairs on the two opposite sides, Hyunjin sliding down next to Changbin as he watched all the food in front of him with distaste, his usually strong appetite nowhere to be found, even if he had so much available delicious looking meal under his nose, for free.
He played around with the food using his fork, pushing it from one side of the plate to another as he forced himself not to gag at the sight of it, not feeling the hunger he usually would've when the tightness in his gut and chest made it hard for him to sense anything else at all.