Chapter Six

                                    

                                          
The fire crackles in front of him. He can feel it, but he can't see it until he opens his eyes. He stares at it and lets himself get lost in the flames. His shoulders feel heavy, but he can't recall what the cause is. 
"See anything interesting in there?" A voice from beside startles him and abruptly pulls his attention away from the fire. It's Taemin. At first, Jongin is confused, but he feels himself smile faintly as Taemin sits down next to him. "You nervous?" 
"Am I that easy to read?" He hears himself speaking, but he knows he's not controlling his words. 
"Kind of, but it's okay. It's refreshing actually. So many people are still afraid to show how they feel, even years after leaving." His head nods and he's still looking at Taemin. "Everything will be okay. I know the idea of voluntarily going back to the place you tried so hard to escape is daunting, but if anyone can handle it's you."
His mouth lifts into a small smile and his head turns away. "Thanks, but I don't exactly feel that way," he says. "I feel like I'm walking back into a trap or something, like I'm doing exactly what They'd hope I would do."
"In my experience, they have this hold over you." His head moves toward Taemin again. "You know, the kind of hold that makes you think they're ten steps ahead even if they aren't." Taemin sighs and shakes his head once and then twice. "I don't think it ever really goes away."
"That makes me feel hopeful for the future," Jongin hears himself say, hearing Taemin chuckle afterward. 
The sound of his laughter begins to ring louder in his ears until he's harshly pulled from his sleep. He feels around his body, moving his arms and hands to make sure he's the one in control. He sighs in relief once he's sure and uses his hands to rub his face. He feels utterly confused, but at least he can figure out what triggered the dream--or memory he supposes. 
Nothing had been seen over the last week or so, but everyone is still on high alert from the lockdown alarm. More people have been trained to act as security so there is now at least four or five people patrolling the area at any given time. The purpose was to ensure everyone's safety, but Jongin can't shake the feeling of being partially responsible for the measures. They were after him and he knows They will take down anyone in order to get to him. He doesn't know if he can carry the weight of everyone's lives on his shoulders. 
Without disturbing Kyungsoo, Jongin gets out of the bed and quietly makes his way downstairs. He grabs a jacket on his way to the front door and throws it on after he steps outside into the chill of the early morning. He's started taking walks after he dreams as of late. To some extent, they help him clear his mind and, on occasion, work through them. 
He sees a few people walking around the perimeter of the area, Jaejoong being one of them. He briefly makes eye contact with Jongin but is looking away a moment later. At first, Jongin just continues to walk past. Yet, the more he thinks about it, the more it bothers him. He needs to know what he did to him to make him barely acknowledge his existence. So, he turns around and walks over to him. 
"Is there a reason you don't like me?" he deadpans in a plain voice. Jaejoong initially doesn't turn around, but when he does, there's a puzzled expression on his face. 
"Why would you ask me that?" is his reply, to which Jongin darts his eyes back and forth a couple of times. 
"Well, seeing as how you can't seem to look at me for more than a few seconds, I wouldn't say you like me very much," Jongin says in response. Jaejoong raises his eyebrows and stays silent for a long minute before scoffing, shaking his head and looking down at the ground. 
"You're just like him," he mutters, but Jongin isn't sure if he was supposed to hear him. The elder male look at him again and sighs before beginning to speak in a louder voice. "I don't dislike you. It has nothing to do with you."
"Then who does it have to do with?" Jaejoong seems slightly annoyed by his questions, but it's early, Jongin's barely slept, and he's tired of being in the dark.
"I'd rather not go down this road with you right now, kid," Jaejoong says and Jongin supposes he thought that would be enough to make him go away. But he just continues to stand there, at which point Jaejoong exhales more heavily. "Alright, if you really want to know, then I'll tell you. It's about your dad. You look like him and it bothers me."
Jongin furrows his eyebrows. "I still don't get it," he replies. 
Jaejoong turns away, pointing his eyes to the ground as he kicks away a rock near his foot. "We were best friends since we were kids, and to put it very simply, I was in love with him. I knew it was unrealistic and would never happen, but I couldn't just make my feelings for him go away." He lifts his head up but still doesn't meet Jongin's eyes. "Anyway, I was kind of forced to when he called me up one day and introduced me to your mom. He didn't even have to say anything because I could tell what they were just by the way he looked at her--the same way I had looked at him since the day we met." Jaejoong finally looks Jongin in the eyes, and the younger can tell his expression has softened a bit. "You look exactly like he did back then, so every time I look at you, I go back there. I'm reminded of what could have been but never was...the life we probably had together in some alternate universe I'll never get to experience."
Jongin finds himself looking away, not really in guilt, but he feels bad for misjudging Jaejoong. "I didn't know that...I'm sorry," he says, coyly looking at the elder male again.
"There's no way you could have," Jaejoong replies nonchalantly. "I probably took out some of my negative feelings toward him on you, so I should say sorry." 
Jongin smiles faintly at him. "It's okay. It's just nice to know you don't hate me."
Jaejoong scoffs, though Jongin suspects he did it try and cover up a chuckle. "You are so much like him and you don't even know it," he says, shaking his head and rolling his eyes a little. 
Jongin laughs a little at that. "So I've been told." His smile fades after a while and he sighs somewhat sadly. "I wish I could have known him more."
Jaejoong is silent for a minute or so before Jongin hears his voice again. "I'm sure he does, too."
*********
Siwon stares intently out of his office window, watching as citizens walk around beneath him outside. His lips are pressed into a closed, thin line and his body remains motionless other than his eyes, which blink every few seconds. A loud knock on his door makes him spin his chair around.
"Come in," he says loudly enough so that whoever is on the other side of the door can hear him. The door opens moments later and the head of the security team walks in, greeting him with a bow. Siwon sits up in his chair. "How did it go?"
"I believe we have all of the information you asked for, sir," he says before stepping closer and placing a folder on his desk. Siwon opens the folder and begins skimming through the information briefly, looking for the main highlights of it. 
"'A loud alarm went off as we got closer to the wall. They most likely spotted our vehicle from inside.'" Siwon looks up at him in confusion. "They have that kind of technology out there?"
"It would appear so, sir," is all the man says. "I would assume that means your inference on them being there since the beginning would be correct."
Siwon exhales, his jaw tightening slightly as he continues reading over the report. "Unfortunately so," he says. He scans his eyes over the paper for a minute or so more before closing the folder, putting on a smile, and looking up at the standing man. "Thank you for your work. I'll look over this and report back to you on next steps."
"Yes, sir." The man bows and then proceeds to leave the office. Siwon lets out an angered sigh as he sits back in his chair. He turns his head and looks toward the shelf to his left, his pointing directly at an old photograph of his family. 
"I'll find you yet, brother," he mutters under his breath.