17

                                    

                                          
Yaz 
24 years old
One week later, in Tokyo, Japan,
I hit my head against the window of the car and Akasuki looks through the rearview mirror at me as he pulls the car out of the parking lot of Lynʻs memorial/Funeral. Thank god, Haru didnʻt want to go because he was too tired. What the fuck was Isamu thinking? Firing a gun in the middle of her memorial.
He ruins everything. 
I hit my head against the window, pretending it was my head hitting Isamus. 
"Are you okay?" Akasuki asks in english. Yeah! Iʻm doing so great! It's not like my bestfriends baby daddy just shot someone at her funeral, or anything. Oh, and I have a raging headache. So that's just wonderful!
"No," I say, looking him straight in the eyes, with a scathing look, through the mirror.
He gives me a questioning look back but doesnʻt push it. 
"Stop by my house, it's down the next street turn," I say but he shakes his head.
"Iʻll jump out of this car." The words are out of my mouth before I can even think it. 
He gave me a daring look, "do it."  Well, good for him! He doesnʻt fall for manipulation. I roll my eyes.
I reach for the door and he locks them but he turns on my street and when we pull into my driveway, he walks with me in. 
When we walk in, the house isnʻt empty. There are men in suits walking around like it had always mostly been. It was men of higher ranking that stayed in the main house, where Haru and I had lived throughout our childhood. Papa had thought it only made sense to have high ranking men living in the giant house for security reasons  but of course we had another house that was a family home, we just barely lived there. 
Men nod to me in greeting and I nod back in respect. Akasuki seemed a bit tense. No matter how strong the Yamaʻs and Kishimotoʻs alliance was, he was in Kishimoto territory, now, and heʻs smart enough to know that.
I walk up the grand stairs making my way to my room. When Iʻm there I pack a bag and throw it at Akasuki, "do me a favor and put this in the car." he grudgingly takes it to the car. 
When heʻs gone I grab the box my brother had given to me when we were younger. Running my fingers over the design, I pop it open. It no longer had drugs in it anymore, things more valuable lay inside it now. Pictures of me and Haru, happy and young. There's a few Jewelry pieces, one being the family ring Lyn had given me. It was her family ring, she valued it and when she gave me it, she said it made us real sisters.  I hold it for a moment, clenching it in my fist, then placing it back in the box. 
A picture of me, Lyn, Haru, Isamu, Eliza, and John lay at the bottom of the box. The only picture we ever took together like that. I close my eyes for a second. 
"Reminicing?" The voice comes from the door and I shut the box, clenching it in my hands. Turning around, I see my cousin, Mei, leaning on the frame of the door, hands tucked in her pockets. She was tall and lengthy, her hair tied into a ponytail and tattoos peeking from underneath her clothes. My most intimidating cousin. Also my most trusted, that's why she was the one taking care of the mafia while I was gone. 
"Only the good things," I reply, shoving the box into my pocket, I ask, "Are they treating you with respect?" 
She flicks invisible dust off of her suit, "yeah, I think theyʻre more afraid of what you would do if they didnʻt."
I give her a quietioning look, "youʻre one of the most intimidating people in our family."
Now she gives me a questioning look, walking into the room, "you obviously havnʻt met your self when youʻre blood crazy."
I run my hand through my hair and shake my head, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"You coming home for good?" Mei asks the question so normally I almost believe she doesnʻt care if it wasnʻt for the way she crossed her arms. 
I shake my head again, "He needs me." 
"Howʻs the kid, anyways?" 
Sighing, I pinch myself, "as good as a kid could be after losing his mother." 
"And how are you?" Again the quetion sounds so normal but Mei stretches her fingers out and I can tell that she's worried.
I close my eyes but everytime I do it I just see the death of my family, I open them, staring at the picture on my desk, a family picture, "fine, I geuss?"
Mei sits next to me on the edge of the bed and rests her hand on my arm, angling her body towards me, "Come home, Yaz. Bring Haru and we can take care of him, keep him safe." 
I shake my head, "Isamu would never agree to it." The Family portrait Iʻm staring at of us all smiling, me and my brother making weird faces, sits crooked on the desk and I move it. 
"Should he even have a say in anything? That asshole has only ever caused you pain." she frowns when she says it like she can taste the bitterness in her tone. 
I glance towards her, "Itʻs not about me, Mei. Haru-" 
She lets out a frustrated sigh and squeezes my arm, "When will it ever be about you? Even when we were younger, it was always about your mother or Haru being the head of the mafia when heʻs older. You were always so in love with Isamu and we all knew it. He was the only thing that you let be about yourself but everytime he got with someone else, you acted like it never bothered you." I look away and she continues, " And even that summer, I think you secretly knew Haru and Isamu were together but you didnʻt want to say anything because you knew if you admitted it then that would mean you would have to give away the only part of your life that was about yourself."
I squeeze my eyes shut and dig my nails into my arm, "Mei," I whisper, "You donʻt understand how selfish I was. How selfish Iʻve always been."
She shakes her head, pulling my arm, trying to get me to look at her, "when you caught Lyn with Isamu, you barely blamed them and when her baby was born you pushed for them to live together because you knew it would make her happy. Youʻve always given up the thing you wanted for others to be happy then punished yourself for it." 
I look at her then with sad eyes, "You think too highly of me." 
She seems about to argue but then there is movement by the door and Meiʻs hand is off of me as if it was never there in the first place and her face is calm. 
Akasuki says, "Itʻs time to go." I can tell he heard our whole conversation.
Mei nods and goes to get up but before she leaves she says to me in a low voice, "think about what I said." and then she was gone. 
The ride home was silent and from time to time Akasuki would glance at me through the rearview mirror but wouldnʻt say anything. 
When we pulled into Isamus driveway, I go to open the door but Akasuki locks it. The sound striking through the silence.
He makes eye contact with me through the rearview mirror, "Choose yourself, once in a while." 
I blink, tired, "You obviously donʻt know the choice Iʻve been given." 
He doesnʻt answer and I look away, the doors unlock and I get out.