Thirty-six

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Reveal to me everything you find ugly about yourself, so I can reveal to you everything I find beautiful about you. - Juansen Dizon.

Mia
Today is the grand opening of Christian's bar. He's purchased so many pubs and clubs across New York, it's so difficult to remember them all. This one, though, is a little further from home but it's absolutely beautiful. I've only seen a few pictures after the remodel, and from what I hear, it's going to be a big turnout tonight. I think I should avoid his bars altogether, after getting groped and seeing his reaction to that.

It's been nonstop late nights and early mornings with us. We get very little rest but it's all worth it. I didn't even open my eyes when he kissed me and left this morning. We wear each other out too much, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We're easing into winter now, and the more time I spend with him, the more I realize it's going to be almost impossible to leave him.

I'm still not sure if I want to leave anymore. I don't want to seem dependent on him and I don't want to put him in an awkward position by falling madly in love with him while he's waiting to kill my father and send me out of here the first chance he gets. It's always been in my heart to leave New York, even if it's just for a little while. To see the world outside this city, and experience life from other parts of the world. But now the desires of my heart have to make room for someone else, and this might just be too overpowering. My will to travel, however, is more of a reflection of my willpower. It's a symbol of my strength and determination and I have to do this. I know I have to leave, but that doesn't mean I'll leave Christian forever unless he wants me to. Forever is just a concept. To be with someone, or love someone forever, it means you have to live forever first, and that isn't possible. We're all mortals, which means we will obviously die, hence we never really get a forever. But the thought of it, the idea of being with someone you love forever is so powerful on its own. The word forever has such an effect on us. We want it, we love the idea of it, but we can't have it. So we settle for using the word to show how powerful your feeling really is. In any context, forever just means as long as you are around.

I lay in our massive bed, and feel the emptiness from his side. It feels so foreign to be here without him, but I know I would never sleep in my own room again. I haven't in a few months anyway. I should start getting ready for the day. I think about my students, and how I have to leave them behind as well.

I don't need to prepare anything, Christian will come home and fetch me, and then we will leave together. He mentioned something about stopping at the bureau today, but I wasn't listening too much. I did hear him say that there's still an ongoing investigation about the company's collapse, and a lot of speculations have hit the media. People are suspecting Michael was abusing alcohol and couldn't control the business, and one reporter says there's suspicions that he was involved with dark activities that have not been revealed yet. Tony and I have been completely left out of the situation, because we are both so well protected and while people know who I am and still try to take me away, I have never been safer than I am with il demone, a man who would die to protect me.

I have no idea what to wear tonight, but to be the bar owners wife is a big deal so I figure I'll dress to the nines. I twist the silver wedding band he gave me around my finger. I haven't taken it off as yet, and I don't think I will. It has an obvious significance to everyone else but to the two of us? It's a symbol of our alliance.

I page through my armoire like it's a catalog, looking through dresses I only thought I'd need after I married Oscar. He specifically requested I wear dresses only, and they must be of the finest quality. I sent someone out to purchase them as I had no interest of pleasing him, but it seemed I had no choice. Comfort was not his concern, so long as I looked the part of his wife. I'm glad he's gone, a man like him didn't really deserve to live long.

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