Chapter 32 Marigold

                                    

                                          
I wasn't sure what had gotten into me today. I was feeling more confident than ever, experiencing urges and desires that I wasn't used to feeling. I had to shake myself out of it because Finn had left me alone with his parents. Conrad and Genny walked out of the dining hall about the same time Finn disappeared.
"Finn had to get back to work." I told them. 
"Oh, I'm sure, he's very busy." Genny said,
"Did you have plans for the afternoon, dear?" Genny asked me. I thought about it for a minute and realized that I had a good opportunity in front of me, 
"Actually, Genny, I was hoping I could ask you a few questions." Genny smiled at the thought of us having some time together. 
"Of course!" She exclaimed. 
"I'll go check on Fox." Conrad gave his mate a kiss and squeezed my shoulder before following after his son. 
"Should we go to your office?" Genny suggested. 
"Oh, well, I actually haven't done anything with it. I guess it's still your office." I replied. Genny waved her hand absentmindedly, 
"Nonsense, it's all yours. I had my time as Luna. You know Fox will help you decorate it anyway you'd like." Genny said. 
"I know. I just haven't been ready to take on the job yet. That's what I was hoping to talk to you about." I said, ducking my head shamefully. 
"Of course, how about we take some tea to the back patio? The weather is nice today." Genny waved down a member of the staff and ordered a tea cart to be delivered to the backyard. 
"It's a lot for anyone to think about, becoming Luna, but it's especially hard for someone who isn't a werewolf. I can't imagine what you must be going through." Genny sat across from me on the patio, leaning forward in her chair to look me softly in the eyes. 
"I was born a princess, so I feel like everyone expects me to know what I'm doing. But, you see, my father expected the exact opposite from me; he never allowed me to learn to lead. I was banished from leading, actually. I'm afraid that I'm just going to prove my father right and let everyone else down." I sighed. Genny sighed, reaching out to take my hand,
"I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you, Mari. You need to understand that the only expectation you have here is to love my son. Everything else you will figure out in time. And, guess what? You don't have to do it alone. You have your mate, the greatest gift in the world. You have Stone and Ferra and Conrad and myself. We're your family now." Genny's smile was so full of love it made my heart ache for the mother I had lost too soon.
"I keep trying to tell myself that the Moon Goddess wouldn't have mated me to an Alpha if I wasn't ready to be the Luna." I mumbled. 
"That's true!" Genny said. 
"But, another voice in my head sounds like my father and all the other Alphas I was placed with who told me I was useless and pathetic; that a woman's job was to bear children and keep house." My voice sounded bitter. Genny's eyes rounded in shock, she shook her head in anger, 
"I'm disgusted, Mari, really, that anyone thinks like that. We're lucky here, I suppose. I never realized how lucky we were until I heard your story. No one here thinks like that. In fact, the Luna is regarded above the Alpha." I looked at Genny in surprise. This was the first time I was hearing this. 
"What do you mean?" I asked. 
"You see, everyone has to obey the Alpha, besides one person; the Luna. But, no one, not even the Alpha, can disobey a Luna command. If there is a job that I would say is the most important for a Luna, it's to tame, calm, and, even sometimes, control her Alpha. Every single person in this pack will lay down their life for the Alpha and the Luna, but they will also all stand against the Alpha to protect you," I thought about Genny's words deeply and was trying not to be overwhelmed,
"You have nothing to fear, my dear. I can tell how much my son loves you. Even before I met you, I knew that Fox was absolutely bewitched by you. He'll do anything to keep you safe, happy, and provided for. Conrad was the same with me. He willingly passed down the title of Alpha to Fox when he turned 18 just so he could spend more time with me. You're well loved here, dear, you have nothing to be afraid of or worried about." 
Genny's words were doing exactly what I needed them to do, they were soothing my anxieties. I felt fresh tears bubble up in my eyes and spill down my cheek. 
"Oh, Mari, what's wrong? Is it something I said?" Genny's face scrunched up with worry. She hurried over to my side and hugged me closely. 
"No, not at all. It's just....I miss my mom." I sobbed, hiccuping as the tears came harder now. 
"I know, honey, I know." Genny cooed, rubbing her fingers through my hair 
"I'm so sorry that your mom isn't here with you and I know that nothing and no one will ever replace her, but I want you to know that I'm your mom now, too, okay?" Genny whispered against the top of my head. I nodded from where my head was resting on her shoulder. 
"Thank you, Genny." I sniffed. I lifted my head and Genny wiped my tears with the back of her hand. 
"You're already an amazing mate and Luna, all you have to do is accept it for yourself. Finn and the pack already have." Genny smiled. 
The staff delivered the tea and it did wonders at calming my nerves. Genny and I talked casually for a while, sipping the warm tea and enjoying the sunshine. I loved Finn's mom. She was exactly the mom that everyone wanted. She was funny, kind, and had all the right things to say. She reminded me of my mom so much in some ways, but so little in others. 
My mother was quiet and subtle, she spoke with a purpose; never saying more or less than she needed to. My mother didn't have much of a sense of humor, things were too serious and sad in the palace to be joking, but she knew how to lighten the mood. Whenever I was sad or scared, she would braid my hair and sing to me. My mother always knew exactly what to say and I missed her advice the most. 
After about an hour or so, I decided to broach another subject I might have discussed with my mom if she were here. 
"I'm not exactly comfortable with this line of conversation, Genny, but I feel like this is something I would have talked to my mom about." I mumbled, already feeling embarrassed. 
"Oh boy." Genny giggled, seeming to guess the topic already, 
"I noticed that you and he weren't marked. Should I assume you haven't uhm....completed the process?" Genny asked gently. I nodded, blushing wildly. 
"It's alright, Mari, nothing to be embarrassed about. I'll admit, I might not be able to give the best advice here because I am a werewolf. We have completely different instincts than the other species. From my understanding, a fae's instincts are much more comparable to humans." Genny paused for affirmation, 
"Yeah, I guess." 
"Right, so it makes sense that you're less....ready then he is. My suggestion to you, dear, is just to talk to him about it. Whatever is bothering you or holding you back, tell him about it. You have to be open with him to build that trust." 
"I know." I sighed. 
"Also, one more bit of advice. Just get the first time over with. It's awkward and weird for everyone, even werewolves. The first time is never the best time, so it's better to just get it over with and move on. Don't have any expectations going into it." I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but I knew I opened up this can of worms. 
"Thanks." I mumbled. 
"If you ever need anything, dear, I'm here." Genny smiled, standing from her chair. I joined her for a hug, 
"Thank you, Genny, this has meant a lot to me." I answered honestly. 
"It meant a lot to me, too, Mari." Genny kissed my cheek before going to find her mate.