Trigger warning: Stillbirth
It's been a week. Kartik and Naira still refuse to acknowledge that little corner of their house they had spent months putting together. Maybe they'll come around to it or just lock that room away and never think about it again. They don't know. It's still so fresh in their minds that Naira crumbles into his arms when she spots the tiny little blanket her father had sent in a few weeks back. He strokes her hair until she falls asleep with tear stained cheeks. And that's when he enters the forbidden room and holds onto the teddy bear and cries which would never be hers.
It's been a month but it hurts all the same. Time will heal, they say. But it's simply just them getting better at hiding it from the world. People still look with pity when they hear their story. Naira loathes it so much but Kartik holds her hand tighter when they offer their dry condolences.
It's been 6 months and not a day goes by where they don't feel the emptiness in their lives. He randomly tears up seeing kids in the city. While Naira fondly observes new mothers and their babies with a pain behind her gaze which only he understands. She hugs Krish a little tighter when she meets him and watches him with such love that Kartik thinks he could cry. He hates this feeling. The feeling of being so helpless that he can only wait for life to play out at times.
10 months in and they keep on with their lives like a machine. They work, they sleep, they make love. But they never mention it again. It was like an unsaid pact between them. But never did a day pass where they didn't think about her. How her giggles would sound in their home. How she would babble nonsense and they would smile like she pulled down the moon.
It's been a year. One look at the other one and they both know what they are doing today. Naira interlinks her fingers with Kartik's and buys them a big bunch of flowers which hold flowers in every colour she could manage to find at the shop. Kartik smiles looking at her. We don't know what her favourite flower is, she says and he agrees. They grow awfully silent as they enter through the gates. Her hand is sweating profusely but she doesn't let go. Neither does he. They walk the short distance in silence, coming to a stop at their destination as Naira's breath hitches in her throat while Kartik feels his vision blur.
She gently lets go of his hand and touches the memorial with her free hand. Like a tap on a loved one's cheek when you meet them after a long time.
It was nothing big and magnanimous. Just a small little memorial stone for their little one at the dance academy.
She puts down the flowers on top of it. The most vibrant bouquet Kartik has ever laid his eyes on.
He steps forward to stand beside Naira and gently traces the sharp edges of the stone as he looks away after a second, trying not to break down.
Naira takes his left hand with both of hers and gently whispers so that only he could hear, "We are having a baby, Kartik". He feels the world pause for a moment as the words register into his mind. They bring back a set of memories which ended up in tears but he tries to push it down until he hears her speak again. "It just felt right to tell you here", she whispers as her lip quivers with emotion. Before any sense of doubt about it envelopes her, she feels his strong arms around her and his tears on her face. She grasps onto his jacket tightly as her husband shakes with tears which he usually kept to himself.
"I love you so much", he says, kissing the side of her head.
"I love you so much too. She will always be our first child."
"I know."
"I miss her so much, Kartik"
"I know, I do too"
"She was so beautiful"
Kartik opens his eyes to spot the name Kaira Goenka on the memorial. His and Naira's first child. Even if she was born without a beating heart, she was still as much their child as any other.
