I just didn't get it. I loved my children more than life, more than myself and I could not even imagine treating them like she has treated me. EVER, even when Callie got mouthy and made me nuts I knew it was just her personality and she was trying.  She just couldn't help her self but it was never a reason or would be a reason for me not to love her or show her how much I care and would do anything for her.
I get up from my seat now as my mother glares hard at me. "I'll see you later, Ma."
"Yeah you just better get my check! Your time is ticking girl!"
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"Stef! You gave me a real scare! You ok!" I hear Mike on the other end of the phone. Of course all the job interviews I went to today didn't pan out into anything and I was realizing I just wasn't any good at interviewing. But fuck I had to find something soon, anything as I stand outside the convenience store and puff my smoke.
"Oh yeah, I'm ok."
"Yeah? You sure? Listen, please if you need anything tell me. You need money one of the kids hurt?" He asks, so concerned as I rub my forehead and look around at the dry Nevada desert. When I called Mike a few days ago I wanted to invite him to Callie's game and I promised her I'd at least ask. But, I knew damn well I had to fess up to this man and I knew telling him on the phone wasn't ideal. Shit, he was a calm guy, and had taken a lot of my shit but this was, I knew I had fucked up big time with this.
"Yeah um Mike, I know it's a far fucking drive but I'm um staying at my mother's trailer."
"Sharon?"
"Yeah, um just passing through. Anyway, Callie is in camp um you know with Frankie and Jude and they are having a softball game on Saturday. Um, she wants you to come but I told it's far and you know you gotta work and shit."
"Sure, I'd love to come." He says almost instantly. "I'd love to see her play and I'd love to see you too."
I take a long drag of my smoke as I stand here with bare feet, much like my daughter, as there is silence between us as I hear the phone ask for more money.
"Stef, tell me the number I'll call it back?"
"No, I got it." I drop a few coins in as we are both quiet for another minute or so. I guess I didn't expect him to come because if he did then I'd have to face the fucking music.
"Stef, listen, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I really didn't, but I'd love to see you, all of you. to see all of you.  I mean we had something, baby." He says, as I play with the phone cord wishing more than anything that Mike didn't have feelings for me. Yeah, we did have something, but that was even confusing to me.
"Yeah, um listen if you can't make it, it's fine. She will understand, Mike"
"No, I can make it. I have a lot of vacation time and sick days that I haven't used.  Unless, you don't want me to come." He asks, as I drop more change in the phone as I continue to wrap the phone chord around my finger. I really wanted to back out of this shit, but at the time I couldn't do this to my little girl anymore. But I was terrified, and initially in the beginning I thought maybe Mike would be a terrible father to Callie and Jude, but deep down  he had never shown any signs of that. Not one time.
"Stef?"
"I didn't say that, Mike. Listen, I'm doing this for her, ok?  She's just been asking a lot about you and talking about you.That's all."
"I understand. It's Saturday?"
"Yeah. I can't offer you a place to stay, I mean....
"No. I know. I can get a hotel just let me know the address, and where in Nevada. I'll drive."
"You can't come to my mother's trailer, Mike. You just can't. She's, I can tell you where the camp is. But the town is West Wendover."
"Ok. I will come in on Friday. Can I take you all to dinner the night before, breakfast? I can book a hotel with more then one room so that you don't need to stay with Sharon while I'm there or even after."
"Um, we are ok, um I'll call you Thursday to see where you are staying?"
"Sure, honey. Listen, thanks for inviting me. I'm happy to see the kids."
"Sure, Mike. Um I gotta go, but like I said I'll call you Thursday."
"Sounds good, Stef. And take care. See you soon."
"Yeah." I say hanging up and let out a heavy ass sigh for I knew Callie was going to bounce off the walls but, I could feel my stomach turning for I had no idea how Mike was gonna take this news. No idea at all.