I contemplated calling Molly a lot. She would call me but I would ignore her calls or let the phone ring through. I hope she knew it was harder for me.
It took me a week to realize how I handled the situation, wasn't exactly the best way to. I didn't want to call her either, I knew she would tell me it's too late or be sarcastic with me.
I climbed up to her window, I used to do this a lot while dating her. I would feel like Romeo often, or some kind of magical prince. This time, not so much.
Her window was closed, as if she knew I would do this. I knocked with one hand while holding to dear life with the other.
"Go away" She muttered.
"It's too late for that. Open up or I swear to God, this is how I'm going to die."
She hated me right now but not that much to watch me get into serious pain.
I brushed leaves off of my body and they scattered on her floor. I waited for her to tell me something sarcastic like, "You better clean that up." But she didn't.
I sat at the edge of her bed.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For how I handled things."
"That's nice. You can leave now."
"Look... I'm sorry, I know I fucked up but so did you."
She laughed.
"How did I fuck up? I don't control who I have feelings for."
"You don't develop a connection with someone you claim to really love."
Our voices got louder but we both stopped, knowing it would wake up everyone in the house.
"Did you ever even love me?"
"No" She said sarcastically.
"It would be nice if you could be serious."
"Of course, I fucking love you."
"Yeah but not like John, right?"
"Fuck John. He's just an attractive guy I had moments with."
"It's the fact you had moments."
We argued for awhile, very intensely.
I shoved my feelings in a drawer. I'll never take them out again, I thought.
"We can be friends" I said.
That's all we were.
-
Stefan left for a month to Mexico, the Mickey drama was expanding. He felt too invested in it and he was afraid he would snap and really kill him. Things got different with him gone. Our group started to have many fall outs.
One evening, Katherine was having dinner at James' house and she wanted me to come. She told me I had to come to be her support.
Katherine was carrying a fruitcake, I teased her about it.
"Why are you bringing something that you're supposed to bring at Christmas?"
"I don't know why you have opinions because they're dumb."
When we walked in, James' mother took the fruitcake. She eyed it like she was allergic to it.
"We wanted to pretend it's Christmas" I said.
I felt Katherine's shoe dig into mine.
His mother laughed, clearly amused by my humour.
James had two other siblings, a younger brother and a younger sister. The youngest brother was five with sweet intentions. His younger sister had long black hair, and eyebrows on fleek. I was attracted to the way she was setting up the table and being nice to her younger brother. It was a different environment that I liked.
After that whole small gathering, Tia (James' younger sister) slowly started to hang out with me and Katherine. I liked the vibes she was giving, it was caring and sophisticated. Katherine and her became very close, of course she would eventually be apart of our group.
We often all went places together, mostly to Mexican places like restaurants. It was a given since everyone I was friends with was Mexican. It made me miss Stefan though.
