Teary Ocean Eyes

                                    

                                          
ELEKTRA
TW: physical abuse, lots of swearing
"Did you tell them?" I asked Johnny, holding the phone between my shoulder and my cheek, making myself a drink in the meantime. 
"No! Why would you even think that?" he replied, in a way almost hurt.
"I don't know Johnny, you tell me! It was a secret between us, and it for sure wasn't me who gave it away." I now moved to the living room, placing the glass on the table before nearly throwing myself on the couch.
"Are you hundred percent entirely sure about that, though? Maybe after Molly or weed? No blackouts?"
I searched thoroughly in the depths of my mind for the possible time I would ever tell someone, but I couldn't even recall thinking about sharing that confidential knowledge.
"I only smoked weed with you."
"Then I don't know either." he sighed, hearably done. For a moment heavy silence seemed to be surrounding us, somewhat waiting for the other one to say anything.
"You know, it's not looking good for me." Johnny continued. "Tabloids can't shut up about me bein' a mess, doing one-night stands for fun and, of course, the cherry on top is saying that I did it because I'm addicted to acid or somethin'."
You might think that it's no big deal, just a rumor, a possibility, that two celebrities could've hooked up once, while drunk. But not in this case, not even in Hollywood. Not when Johnny is being accused of violence against women, with him saying he could never be disrespectful towards one. It just all strangely fits together as a bad image, and, for fucks sake, it's the last thing that Johnny needs. 
Now you can also add our personal struggles. I don't mean that we're suddenly ending our friendship, but the way this situation is shrouded in mystery just makes the atmosphere really weird. Like both of us wants not to talk, but think it through first. It's weird because we never had to do something like that before. We never had to question our trust like this.
"I know, Johnny. But I swear, I have no idea how it happened."
Again, silence. I took a sip of my drink.
"Listen, can we not discuss this over the phone? Do you mind meeting somewhere?" he asked. I thought about it, biting the skin around my nails.
"I don't think it's a good idea for us to be seen together right now. Maybe when the storm will pass."
"Oh," he answered and I couldn't find any particular emotion in his voice. "Sure, you're right. Just call or text me if anything changes."
week later 
For a week straight I tried to find the solution for the problem, or more like leave my current reality so I don't have to deal with it at all, by painting and writing and basically doing anything that gets my mind off things. Like, enormous amounts of coping.
I've been also staring at my phone for good 10 minutes, overthinking if to text him, call him, whatever, just to get even a glimpse of him. To remember how he sounds, how he talks.