Chapter 45- Realization

                                    

                                          
The boys were actually doing really well. They were their funny and usual selves. It made me happy at the thought. I missed moments like this when I realized how lucky I am to have them as my best friends, to have them accept me for who I am. I can't imagine life without the five of them. I guess I sort of did when I took off. But even though, they still came back.
                          
I was backstage of their interview, they were talking to the host whose name was Francis. I laughed at a comment Louis said. "They're your best friends, right?" I turned and see a guy who seemed a bit older, tall and dirty blonde hair, smile at me.
                          
"Yeah, they are. What weirdos they are," I chuckled and glanced at the TV which viewed them. "I'm James, and you are?"
                          
I took his hand and shook it. "I'm Olivia, nice to meet you James."
                          
We were just there for around 45 minutes talking about random stuff and getting to know each other. He was a nice guy who seemed so laid back. His dad worked here in the studio that was why he was here. James is just a year older than me. He loves to play football, the color indigo and loves chocolate.
                          
The boys were almost done, in exactly fifteen minutes they will be done. "Anyways Olivia, nice chatting with you but I have to go! Can I get your number so we can meet up while you're here?" I nod and we exchange numbers. Then he was gone and I was alone.
                          
My throat was dry so I went to get a drink, I stood up and then suddenly the pain in my back shot through me like lightning. I shriek and fall to the ground, touching my back. No one was here so they didn't notice me at all. I couldn't scream due to the fact everything hurt. My vision went black and my head started to ache, bad.
                          
I lay there, for minutes until I heard voices. "OLIV-oh my god?!? What the hell happened!" someone rushed to my side and I cried. "It hurts, I c-can't se-see..." someone carried me and whispered in my ear saying everything will be alright.
                          
Then everything seemed to fall and turn black.
                          
~~~
                          
"Will she be okay?" a voice asked. I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't budge. "She's doing good, although she needs to rest. We need to take tests to see what caused it..."
                          
Then the black abyss came to me and I was gone once again.
                          
I woke up, my body with pain I could never bare.  The first thing I saw was a white ceiling. There I was laying on a hospital bed. Louis jumped to his feet and smiled when he saw me. he was the only one in the room. Where were the other boys?
                          
"Olivia, thank God! How are you feeling? Do you wanna drink water? Hold on I'll just call a nurse." He pressed the button near my bed and sat on the edge of the bed. "Wh-wha..." I couldn't speech. Something was caught in my throat and my throat was dry.
                          
Louis grabbed a glass of water and made me sip from it, holding the glass. "You don't remember what happened?" I shook my head, drinking all the water. "The boys just went home to shower. They'll be back in a while."
                          
A doctor came in and looked at me. "Hello Olivia! I'm Doctor Michael. Youre currently in St. Luke's hospital. How're you feeling?"
                          
I nod. "We called your parents and well we'll have the results of your tests by then." I cock my head to the side and ask, in my most quiet voice. "What tests?"
                          
"When you were unconscious we took tests to see what caused your blackout. Have these blackouts and headaches happen frequently?" Dr. Michael looked at me and I nod. "Yes it does,"
                          
I frown at my sudden headache, "I'll be back to check in on you. Just rest for now," 
                          
Dr. Michael walked out and Louis smiled at me. "We were all so worried. You didn't wake up for two days. Everyone is a mess, Olivia." 
                          
My heart fell. Is it my fault? "I'm sorry." 
                          
Louis gasped, "No! No! It isn't your fault Olivia! I was just telling you how much we love you. How much we missed you," I made space for him on the bed. He got on it and I rested my head on his chest. "Mia visited you, by the way. She too was worried." 
                          
My heart warmed. "What floor are we on?" I asked him. 
                          
"We're on the 22nd floor." He said casually. My eyes widened. "Aren't the rooms on the 20th to 30th floor the expensive ones? Louis...you don't need to do this for me." 
                          
He rolled his eyes. "We wanted you in the best of hands. You don't know how crazy we got when you passed out. You don't know how depressed we felt when you laid in my arms crying and in pain. Because Olivia, it hurts. It hurts so much. So just shut up and accept it." Louis said, getting up and looking down at me. "You don't know how it feels like, for your best friend to storm out and never even bother to check up on you. When you left, we didn't only lose you, we lost Liam as well. Didn't you think about our feelings Olivia? Not just yours? We were as fucked up as you were. We cared about you Olivia. Why can't you see that? Just accept our kindness and stop asking questions because I am fucking tired of all this 'you don't need to do this for me' or 'I can handle everything by myself'" He looked at me, his face seemed so mad and angry. He ran out the door and banged it.
                          
My lips quivered and tears ran down my cheeks. This is all my fault. I messed up everything. Not only was I hurt by walking away, but the boys too were hurt by my sudden absence. I did this to them, I hurt them without even knowing. Am I that inconsiderate? Why is it I hurt the people who are so dear to me? What's wrong with me? 
                          
I lay there, crying for all the things I've done to hurt them. The door swung open and the boys- except Louis - came in. "Olivia, thank go-" Niall smiled but it quickly faded when he noticed me crying. He ran to my side and sat beside me taking me in his arms. I smelt his scent, it made me feel safe and loved. It always did ever since we were kids, being in his arms comforted me.
                          
"Shhh, why are you crying?" Niall asked. The boys circled around my bed, newly washed. I could tell because they looked fresh and they smelt good. "Where's Louis?" Harry asked looking around the room.
                          
I sobbed into Niall's chest. "I hurt all your feelings. I was only thinking of me, I didn't bother to think about you lads. I'm so stupid. You guys hate me, don't you? For leaving and not even putting an effort to care. What kind of best friend am I?"
                          
Zayn looked at me then at the boys. "What are you saying Olivia?" 
                          
"Louis told me. He told me how much it hurt you guys to see me gone. I feel so guilty." I sniffed. "He got mad at me. And left." 
                          
They all sighed and shook their heads. "Don't mind him. Eleanor and him are arguing and they haven't spoken to each other. He's been emotional. You're his best friend, the one who hasn't woken up for two days...and Eleanor is the girl of his dreams, and she's been MIA." Niall said, fixing my hair. 
                          
"But I did hurt you guys." I whispered, the tears falling down my cheeks. 
                          
"Olivia, it's okay. We understood why you left. We can't take that against you. Besides, we hauled you up with us. I think you did need to get away for awhile." Harry said, holding my hand. 
                          
"What's in the past stays in the past." Liam gave me a small smile. 
                          
"I love you guys." I said laughing. 
                          
~~~ 
                          
My parents came as soon as they heard. They ran to me and hugged me like I does or something. The boys went home since they didn't get sleep at all. Louis came back as apologised to me. I forgave him, obviously. I was just there watching TV while my mom sat beside me. Dad was talking to the doctor, it's been quite a log time and I've been getting worried. 
                          
"Mom...what if..." I mumble, glancing out the window. Dad was talking to Dr. Michael. 
                          
Mom looked up at me and gave me a tired but reassuring look. "Sweetheart, don't worry. It's nothing bad. Maybe dad's just talking to him because he is a known doctor baby." That was true. Practically everyone knew him. I smiled at the thought. 
                          
Finally they were done and they both entered the room. Dad seemed...different. Dr. Michael smiled at me but it was those smiles when doctors have to give you bad news. My heart beat grew faster in pace. As he said the words I didn't want to hear. I think my world fell apart, right there and then. I thought I would never hear the words he had to say. Why me? What did I do to deserve such a news? 
                          
That's when I realized, I did everything.