one

                                    

                                          
pending, started on June 2nd, 2022

my dumbass wrote lightningboy and lightningbolt for harry's username and idk which ones better but if u see two different usernames ignore it and move on pls and ty 


i know this book has 200 chapters but bear with, its actually a really fucking short book.
its gonna be really depressing and dramatic
and angsty
so
enjoy.


harry
I don't know what I'm doing.
I've just gotten discharged from a mental hospital, and I'm going back to the Dursleys. I don't know why, to be honest. I just thought it'd be the best place to go.
Obviously not the best, but I had nowhere else to go.
Money wasn't an issue when it came to buying a new place, but moving out scared me. Living on my own was terrifying.
The Dursleys were terrifying, but at least I didn't have to worry about bills or fixing broken pipes or being broken into.
I offered to pay rent, but they said, and I quote, I don't want your disgusting freak money. So I was basically freeloading.
But I wasn't, at the same time, because I still did housework, like cleaning or cooking.
I was protected and unprotected. It made sense and didn't. 
They might not treat me like family, but their house was my only other home. I didn't want to go back for an eight year at Hogwarts. It would just remind me of all that happened there.
I had a therapist, one I didn't want, but was forced to have, despite being the legal age to make my own decisions.
Vernon Dursley said, and I quote, I don't want you to be more freaky than you already are. You either get therapy or live on the streets.
And so I had a therapist. 
She told me I had CPTSD. She was a half-blood, so she knew all about me, but didn't fuss over the fact that I was the Saviour of the Wizarding World. 
Her name was Etheria. Strange name, but unique, and beautiful regardless. She was about two years older than me, but skilled in her field nonetheless. 
She told me that I had depression, insomnia and anxiety too, and signs of bipolar. Having four, maybe five, mental issues made me feel more fucked up, and I never told Vernon, because he would think I was even more of a freak.
Etheria told me that going back for an eighth year would probably trigger my CPTSD and make my anxiety worse. I thought to myself, Hermione would've wanted me to go back, but then I simply realised it didn't matter.
I had my life set out for me: a home, money to keep me stable till death, therapy and a plan. Just in case.
Just in case it gets as bad as it did before, I always have the eight packets of paracetamol in my safe on the bottom shelf of my cupboard.