Eighteen

                                    

                                          
I was just looking at Em in the driveway. Her eyes was searching my face. Looking for anything.
Just tell her oliver. I love you Emma. I want to be with you. It's not that hard. Just tell her how you feel.
"You should go. Don't stay for me Emma. I like you but, we both know deep down what we're doing is just sex. No strings."
"Your lying to me?"
Yes I am. Just say it oliver. 
"I'm not. It's just sex."
That isn't what you was supposed to say idiot. Fuck. Her face man. She looks so sad. I'm breaking her. STOP OLIVER!
She wasn't saying anything. 
"Look Emma this was just a way to get you into bed."
NO! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT. YOU FUCKING HAD FEELINGS FOR HER BEFORE YOU EVEN SLEPT WITH HER!
Her eyes are filling with tears. 
Fuck I want to cry.
"Your lying. I don't know why but you are."
"Emma I'm not."
Oh god she took a step forward. Is she going to hit me?
"Fine. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me I mean absolutely nothing at all to you."
Fuck. Emma I love you. 
"I don't love you Emma. I don't give a flying fuck about you. Your just nice to fuck."
WHY OLIVER? WHY? 
She had tears in her eyes. Holding her stomach as she gasped at my harsh words. 
I can't stay here. I can't see her face like this. I have to get out of here.
I looked at Emma. I didn't say anything else at all. I just got in my car and left. 
"GOD YOUR SUCH A PUSSY OLIVER!"
I screamed to myself as I punched my steering wheel. Tears stinging my eyes.
I can't believe I said the opposite of what I wanted to. Why am I so scared of just admitting my feelings for her? To her, to myself or to anyone at all. 
I walked into Kyles and sat down. I sighed and I grabbed the bottle on his moms coffee table.
"What's wrong?"
I took a long drink. 
I love this burn.
I sighed and looked at kyle.
"Emma asked me if I had feelings for her. Or if I wanted her to stay for me."
Kyle smiled and nodded his head.
Why in the fuck is he smiling?
"That's good. I mean your in love with the girl. What could go wrong Oliver?"
His friends looked at me. I took another drink.
"I told her she was a nice fuck and, that I didn't love her."
Kyle sat up and raised his eyebrow at me.
"Why the hell would you fucking do that Oliver? Your fucking head over heels in love with her. Just admit it dude. Emma is great. You two are great together."
I looked at Kyle and groaned. I took another drink and sighed.
"Because I'm a fucking bitch Kyle. That's why. Man you should have seen her fucking face. She was so fucking hurt Kyle and, all I could do was drive away. I mean what kind of person am I? I'm not good for her. I just hurt her."